You know when people say "don't compare yourself to others," they meant that you really shouldn't compare your normal-ass life to people like extreme athlete/photographer Jay Alvarrez and his girlfriend, model Alexis Ren. This young, beautiful couple photographs their travels, which are as conventionally pretty as the pair themselves. Not only do their perfectly tanned bodies never fold in unattractive ways, their wallets never dry. Look, I'm not trying to hate on them for being hot and in love and well-traveled. It's just that...well, clearly they're robots. That's not "hating" on them; It's a simple fact of nature and robotics. You can't argue with science, guys.
I'm a big believer in the idea of traveling with a significant other to evaluate realistic compatibility early on. When you're in the honeymoon love fog, the thick atmosphere can cloud your vision and give you an inaccurate reading, and traveling together helps to break through that a little bit. When most couples travel, they have to seek solutions for problems more pressing or at least more exotic than, "NOOOoooooo0ooOOO! Our favorite Chinese take-out spot isn't on Seamless anymore! WHAT NOW??" Curveballs like running out of data while completely lost or trying to find a $60/night motel when your budget unexpectedly dwindles. For Hawaii-based Alvarrez and Ren, however, it's all helicopter rides, sunsets, and thongs. Woo hoo for them!
The gorgeous, supremely bronzed couple storm California in this video that was made for mysterious reasons. OK, actually, let's touch on that: I totally understand and respect why any two people (regardless of budget and hotness) would feel inclined to document their travel-ventures, but why does this video exist? Also, why does it include so many gratuitous butt shots of Ren? I mean, I am indeed impressed, but...HOW ARE THEY REAL?
It's rad that presumably Alvarrez handles most photo and video duties but several shots clearly must have been done by a third party. Who is this third party?? Not that I'm jealous...
Now I will scientifically explore what specifically makes this video so potent in inducing blinding, all-consuming jealousy (besides the obvious things like a bottomless bank account and, you know, their unjaded youth). Here we go:
The (questionable) fact that this is how Ren chills in private:
When my boyfriend comes over without warning, he can expect to find me in various forms of undress, eating hummus with a spoon, and rapping along to The Game to my cat. Am I doing this wrong?
This obvious ode to Workaholics:
They chill on the roof in the sun just like other people in pop culture who hardly work! We want to chill on the roof!
They live in a world that calls for shorts paired with leather jackets and this is apparently comfortable:
I want to hate this but I can't stop brainstorming ways to mimic this look long enough to corral the angry feelings.
And now for a few shots from the couples' globetrotting:
This may be an elaborate clothing company advertising campaign or simply an extended trailer for a Rich Kids Of Instagram feature film. Or it might just be two very cute, very wealthy, very, very lucky people's reality. Who even cares? According to the Ask box results on Alvarrez's Tumblr (mute your speakers before visiting or suffer a fate of streaming Miguel), it seems the duo manages to actually inspire other to LIVE. Anything that kicks folks' asses into gear? Well, that's worth a few gratuitous butt shots. I guess.
Images: Jay Alvarrez/Instagram (6); Jay Alvarrez/YouTube (3)
