If you were anything like me, you didn’t even know you had a clitoris until you accidentally found it in a Jacuzzi at age 13. Maybe that's because masturbation for women is not only still taboo, but trickier to boot! Guys have it so much easier when it comes to many things in life. They earn more money (thanks, wage gap!). They don’t have periods. They don’t have to give birth. They can walk down the street without being catcalled (gay neighborhoods notwithstanding). And thanks to superior arm strength, they can lift heavy furniture. It hardly seems fair that masturbation is a breeze too. It’s like WTF is up with that?
Can’t you cut us ladies a break? Throw us a bone? (Was that a pun? I can’t decide.) Men have this outward appendage, (otherwise known as a penis), that lends itself so easily to masturbation; no user manual required. It’s literally just hanging there waiting for a hand to stimulate it. Not so much for us ladies! No, we have to go on a god-damned treasure hunt looking for the magic spot like some sort of deranged pirate.
Outside of my romantic rendez-vouses with the jets, I didn’t know how to get off solo-style. That is until a boyfriend bought me a vibrator as a present to keep myself occupied while he was out of town. Romantic, no? Thankfully if you’re not sure how to embark on the journey to one’s ladyhood the fine members of Reddit are here to help. I’ve collected the best of their tips here for all of you lovely gals. You’re welcome.
1. Get A Vibrator
I don’t want to say duh, but I’m gonna say it; DUH. Of course there are many ways to bring yourself to the big O, but a vibrator is the easiest one. Especially for beginners.
2. Try Different Positions
Kudos to CareerofCompsure for being a real masturbation expert. She continues doling out advice by continuing to step 2: choose your position. Bet you never thought about riding your vibrator cowgirl-style did you? If lying on your back isn’t getting you off, mix it up!
3. Try Foreplay
Take the time to turn yourself on.
4. Use Lube
Trying to start a fire in your panties without lube is as useless as trying to make sense of Amanda Bynes. If you get wet easily, by all means skip the lube. But if your vagina’s climate leans towards desert and not rainforest, lube will prove to be your friend.
5. Make Your Fingers Useful
Don’t be afraid of your fingers! They are there for a reason. Plus I think the Divynls sang about touching oneself and they can’t be wrong.
6. Try The Shower
The shower is awesome because a) it’s free (-ish) and b) you can get clean at the same time. Hurray multitasking! If you have one of those massaging shower heads you’re in luck. Or you can just lie under the running water before you switch to shower mode. Either way you’ll have an excellent time.
7. Make Time For It
Sure, the goal here is to get off, but don't rush it. Take the time you need to feel good, inside and out.
8. Set The Mood
Girl you can’t get in the mood without a little sumthin’ sumthin’! Do yourself a favor and get yourself a little female-friendly porn, an erotic book, or just play Van Halen (I swear it works).
Images: Fatimeh Nadimi/Flickr; Reddit