It's been nearly two weeks since Damon Dash took to Instagram to announce that he and Kanye West might be buying Karmaloop, and I am still holding out hope that this will become a reality. As an independent designer, I sold on Karmaloop's Kazbah site for a hot second during my first year in business. Though the experience did not prove to be fruitful for me, I still always rooted for Karmaloop's success as a dedicated streetwear marketplace.
I learned of Karmaloop's bankruptcy through the announcement that Damon Dash and Kanye West were prospective buyers for the site. And while Karmaloop founder Greg Selkoe told Boston.com that Dash and West are among many parties interested in the 15-year-old e-commerce site, it is sure fun to imagine what wackiness that the high profile duo could feature if they ran the site and possessed the ability to poke fun at themselves. More than likely, a West and Dash-run Karmaloop will take an extremely serious approach to fashion (I mean, Kanye's Adidas fashion show actually beat Chanel as Style.com's "most viewed collection this season"), so I not-so-seriously dreamed up five items I would like to see on Karmaloop if West and Dash bought it.
1. Motivational #TweetLikeDamonDash Mugs
When Damon Dash stopped by Power 105.1's The Breakfast Club in mid-March, his outrageous quotes from the interview quickly turned into a social media frenzy as Twitter feeds flooded with tweets poking fun at his theories on being on a boss using the hashtag #TweetLikeDamonDash and there's now an account @TweetLikeDame, dedicated to keeping the trend alive. I would like to see Dash poke fun at himself by turning the best of these tweets into motivational mugs. Why wouldn't someone want to sip their morning tea from a mug spouting one of these ridiculous mock quotes?
2. Plus-Size Versions Of The Kanye West X Adidas Originals Collection
OK, I admit that this one is a little personal for me, but I'm tired of being excluded from high fashion. Though West touted this collection as affordable, he is expected to be charging upwards of $4,000 for some of his outerwear so there has to be a little meat there to cover the additional fabric cost of producing the collection in plus-size. I already sport t-shirts and button-downs with no pants, so I know I could totally rock the hell out of a sweatshirt with holes in it with just a pair of stockings. And while I am wishing for change, I would love if Karmaloop also carried plus-size tights that weren't called "queen size."
3. North West's Picks Of Items That Never Go On Sale
If you have a Twitter account and an interest in streetwear, you've likely been followed by one of the many Karmaloop rep accounts. As a Kazbah seller, these coupon codes along with the free shipping discounts affected my ability to make any profit on the products sold through the marketplace. With West's involvement, I can imagine such discounts will likely disappear. I vote they be replaced with the opposite approach — items that never go on sale. These curated items will be picked by none other than West's daughter North. Based on her tantrums at New York Fashion Week, this almost two-year-old knows what she likes and certainly what she doesn't like. From her Yeezus tour jacket to her alleged $3,500 fur coat, North is better dressed than any of us plebs could ever be. Even North's aunt Kylie Jenner takes fashion inspiration from her.
4. Kim Kardashian Crying Merchandise
From weddings to colonoscopies, the Kardashian-Jenner clan have been known to put many of their more intimate moments on display. Kim is never one to shy away from shedding a tear when her emotions get the best of her and retailers such as Robert Boris have immortalized the many crying faces of Kim on t-shirts. I personally hunted down the Kim crying phone case after seeing it on Tumblr in 2013. It was certainly a conversation starter until the poor quality of the case resulted in a fatal screen cracking situation and tears of my own when I had to buy a new phone. Why not put a stop to the copycats and use Karmaloop to create high quality versions? If you can't beat 'em, cry and then join 'em.
5. Kanye West Loves Kanye West Statement Tees
If there's anyone who loves Kanye West, it's Kanye West. Though West's self-love borders on narcissism, his confidence and inability to hear the critics may just be aspirational to those struggling with Internet trolls (i.e. my fellow confident fat babes). I still laugh at Jezebel's 2010 compilation of West's most outrageous moments. I would definitely wear a shirt that says "I Still Think I'm the Greatest" or "Bow in the Presence of Greatness" just because there are still far too many people in this world that think that I, as a fat woman, do not deserve to exist in this world, let alone have a place in fashion. In West's own words, "Sometimes the truth isn't modest," so he better holla at ya girl when he needs this plus-inclusive line of tees added to Karmaloop's roster.