Are Eleanor & Jasper In Love On 'The Royals'? Their Relationship Is Way More Screwed Up Than That

The Royals just gets weirder and weirder each week, doesn’t it? Between Ophelia and Liam’s back-and-forth courtship, an attempted poisoning, and Liz Hurley’s over-the-top acting, it’s almost too much to bear. The only storyline I really care about is that of Princess Eleanor and Jasper, her trusty bodyguard-turned-drifter-blackmailer. But many fans seem to think this pairing is all about the warm and fuzzies. It's not. Eleanor and Jasper aren't in love. Absolutely not.

In case you forgot what's gone down so far, heres' a quick recap: Eleanor is the wild princess who gets photographed missing her knickers and doing drugs, and Jasper (or Jaaahspah, as Alexandra Park’s wandering British accent would say) was sent to be her very fancy babysitter, that is, until she goes out one night, he roofies her, and they have sex. In the morning, Jasper blackmails Eleanor by saying that he filmed their dalliance the night before and she has to do everything he says or she’ll find herself on a one-way street to public-humiliation-via-sext-tape town. So she's been sleeping with him, and the two have been embroiled in this cat-and-mouse game. Eleanor tries to shag a world-famous swimmer, the swimmer calls her a slag behind his back, and Jasper knocks him out. We're supposed to say "aww." They keep on sleeping together, keep on yelling at each other, cute moments get peppered in, yadda yadda. The cycle continues.

In today’s culture, some of us like to call weird, abusive relationships love. Take Bella and Edward from Twilight: He told her what to do and watched her while she slept, but that was just because he cared so much for her. Then there's Anastasia and Christian from Fifty Shades Of Grey: He hounds her until she finally sleeps with him, and then he consumes her.

None of this is love, you guys.

All of these relationships are power trips: One party is an exhausting force against another party. If either of the aforementioned couples had had a conversation that laid out the rules about the watching while asleep and hounding for sex, then I’d say great. You guys get down with your bad, kinky selves. But that’s not what those relationships are, and that’s not what Eleanor and Jasper share together.

Frankly, I think their relationship is a combination of feeling both bored and helpless. From what we know about Jasper’s background, he is probably a grifter from Las Vegas (he could be lying about that too though). If that's so, then Jasper’s grown up his whole life watching some very rich people play in his city, and the position he holds now makes him feel the same way. He gets to watch Eleanor drink, do drugs, and generally refuse to try at life just because she’s rich. So Jasper gets revenge on Eleanor (and, by extension, the wealthy and privileged in general) by blackmailing her, and boom — now he has all the power.

Eleanor is also powerless in her position. Though she is a princess, no one in her family takes her seriously, so she self-medicates with booze, pills, and men. Thus, no one in her life takes her seriously and she's just lost her older brother and a source of gravity in the family, so the vicious cycle continues.

Jasper’s blackmail attempt appears to be the first time that anyone has made her feel desired (I’m not saying this isn’t effed up, I’m just saying it like it is) in a long time, which would explain why Eleanor has decided to play the game. Remember: All of this could have been solved had she just told somebody about it. She is a princess with literally an army at her disposal. If she would have told the world about his blackmail scheme, Jasper would have been dropped on an island and never heard from again. Eleanor is playing this game with him because she likes to feel wanted and needed, even by a psycho American conman.

So, is this what you call love? Nope. Obsession isn’t love. Blackmail isn’t love. Love is a mutual respect and agreement with another person who makes you hot in the pants. What Eleanor and Jasper have... that’s just scary.

Image: Paul Blundell, Screengrab/E! Entertainment; Giphy (3)