In the world of beauty makeovers, dyeing brown hair bleach blonde could quite possibly be the biggest undertaking. I may be one of the only people on the Internet to say or even remotely think this, but I think Kim Kardashian looked pretty damn good as a short term blonde. I admire her ability to flip over to blonde and back to brown again in only a matter of a few days, because for me? It was a much, much longer process.
Before you claw your eyes out in total confusion, let me be clear. My love-hate relationship with Kim K is pretty complicated. Many of Kim’s style choices still confuse me, (that Mrs.Doubtfire meme instantly comes to mind) but it’s totally true that our friendly neighborhood reality star slays in the beauty department.
I mean, who else contours like an Olympic gold medalist? Yeah, that’s what I thought. So before you read any further, know that there will be no Draco Malfoy comparisons here son. I've seen that meme too many times to count.
In Kim’s defense, going blonde isn’t easy. Trust me, I know that sounds ridiculously stupid, but it’s true. Like the Keeping Up With The Kardashians star, I was born with raven dark tresses that I couldn't get rid of fast enough. However, unlike Kimmy, I didn't get icy blonde in 24 hours with countless Instagram posts to boot. My story took two years, lots of awkward colors, and whole lot of bleach to get where it is today.
Once upon a time when I was young and partial to everything Disney Princesses, golden blonde locks were all I ever wanted. I idolized blonde heroines like Sailor Moon, Princess Peach, of course ass-kicking vampires slayers like Buffy. I assumed that their long, corn silk hair would make men like David Boreanaz chase after me for my whole life.
Sadly, Santa never gave me golden strands a la Marilyn Monroe. Nor did that box bleaching kit I once used back when I was 16. So, for the remainder of my entire adolescent life, I was left only dreaming of the chance to live out Gwen Stefani’s platinum blonde life. Oh, the horror.
Fast forward to 2012. I was ready for that change. No longer could I take the Anna Paquin and Amy Winehouse comparisons, even though the Kathryn Merteuil ones (please tell me you’ve seen Cruel Intentions) didn’t entirely get on my nerves. I booked an appointment at a big city salon. I knew there was no turning back. It was time to go blonde, or go home.
Sheryl Crow always said the first cut is the deepest, and the same kind of idea applies to bleaching. Your first lifting session will always be the scariest. Being that my hair was initially extremely dark, my colorist and I agreed that going blonde was to be a slow and gradual process. Although it’s tempting to go super-light all at once like Kim, deep bleaching can really destroy your hair; leading to breakage and unbearable dryness. So after three hours later, I got to a buttery brown shade I normally couldn't achieve on my own.
After that, coloring my hair kind of became an addicting process. Now I’ve had my fair share of addictive habits before, but I do warn you this is killer for all you Virgo hair perfectionists. Going blonde isn’t a one time job. It requires upkeep like nobody’s business.
Once my base was lifted, I thought it would be a great idea to add in some highlights. Not sure if staying blonde was my thing, I decided this might be a low commitment look I could easily change if needed.
Well, when I finally decided that Scarlett Johansson’s 2007 shade of blonde was the color I had to have, those highlights and warm brown base became the nemesis I never saw coming. When your roots are black, and you've got two other shades going on in your hair, your colorist tends to panic. After another vigorous bleaching session later, my hair got to a golden honey shade I liked... but it still wasn't platinum. It was frustrating.
Upon salon visit after salon visit, my hair finally started to get in Daenerys Targaryen shape. Before that white finish though, came an unavoidable yellowish cast.
Yellow tones are something I’m used to. I mean it’s definitely a recurring foe for us bottled blondes. That’s why its important to remember when going blonde; patience and consistency are crucial.
Come late 2014, my blonde ambitions finally came to an end. After doing a back-to-back bleaching session with two weeks in between, I finally got to the cool platinum of my high school dreams.
Sure my hair is definitely drier and sheds more than I’m used to, but the creamy pearl color is so worth it for me. Purple shampoo and lots of deep conditioner go a long, long way.
With that said, Kim’s platinum may not loved by the masses, but I do applaud her for trying something new. However, unless you want brittle and deep fried locks, I definitely recommend going blonde slowly and surely. Yes, I know you want Gigi Hadid’s champagne color in one salon visit. However, any colorist will tell you that you aren't going to get there in just one shot.
Every superhero has an origin story, and the same can be said about my quest for #platinumperfection. Peter Parker definitely didn't become Spiderman overnight, and that’s how the whole coloring process works. Slow and steady definitely wins the race. Believe me, I know this better than anyone.
Images: Courtney Leiva/Beautystat