Gay Couples React To Invasive Questions And Show Just How Outdated Our Notions Of Gender Are — VIDEO

Ashley Mardell and her friends are at it again. Just last week, we wrote about the awesome work Ashley has been doing with her video series on the ABCs of LGBT. Now, she has created another video tackling a big topic in the LGBTQIA community: gender roles, or, more specifically, people who can't seem to get it out of their heads that gender roles don't always exist in relationships. Her video on gay couples reacting to invasive questions is an extremely eye-opening testament to that.

The gender binary is an omnipresent force, and it's difficult for a lot of people to get out of their heads. From the moment we start school, we are told boys go in this line, girls go in that line; boys play with those toys, girls play with these toys. We turn on our televisions and other forms of media that further inform the roles men and women play: Men provide for their families by working outside the house, while women provide from within; Men are dominant, and women are submissive. Masculinity on one side, and femininity on the other; always separate, always opposing, and never in congruence. These, at least, are the messages we internalize as we grow up surrounded by reflections of the gender binary and its correlating conventional gender roles. And then we grow to project those messages and expectations onto ourselves and our relationships, and subsequently gauging how "good" or "right" we/our relationships are based on how well they do or don't fit into those narrow, pre-packaged roles. And any person or relationships that doesn't fall in line is left to wither in self-doubt and self-loathing for their lack of adherence. The whole thing, in short, super sucks.

This sounds totally outdated, right? Then why do so many people insist on trying to figure out the gender roles in same-sex relationships? Guess what? It's totally possible for there to be two women in the relationship, two men in the relationship, or even neither for those who identify as a gender outside of the binary! Your gender has nothing to do with your status as a provider, your physical appearance, or even which sex positions you like (and also, asking about sex is intensely personal and just rude). Plus, gender is kind of this made up, socially constructed thing anyway so it's just not necessary to a relationship at all.


That's not to say people can't occupy gender roles if they want to, but it's not anyone's place to assume that if someone is in a relationship, they automatically fall into a certain role based on gender. If you want to learn more and hear awesome words from some poignant social justice warriors, check out the video below:

Ash Hardell on YouTube

Images: Ashley Mardell/YouTube