7 Things That Don't Make You A Bad Girlfriend No Matter What Anyone Tells You
What makes a "bad" girlfriend is so subjective. Some people require different things from their partners. Some people like a lot of doting and affection while others like their space. But being women, there are some things we do that we're inherently told are "bad" traits in a relationship. Many of these are gendered in that, through general cultural perception, they're attributed more often than not to women with a negative connotation, whereas when men exhibit the same behaviors, it's part of their masculinity, endearing, and even admirable. Which is sexist, obviously.
We have to get it out of our heads that there are certain behaviors that make women undesirable in relationships. We're all human. We all have our good days and our bad days. Making mistakes, feeling insecure or vulnerable, or even being independent: None of these are character flaws. None of these affect your eligibility for title of "good" girlfriend. A good partner is someone who is supportive, kind, honest, communicative and dedicated to working as part of a team. And so it follows that having emotions, ideas or concerns doesn't preclude you from being able to undertake the things that make you "good" in your relationship. Here are 7 things that don't make you a bad girlfriend, no matter what anyone says:
1. Being irrational from time-to-time
Sometimes, irrational thoughts and feelings get the better of us. That's fine! It happens to men too. The important thing is being able to recognize that you've let irrationality take over and admit when you're wrong. The aim isn't to abolish all irrationality from a relationship: it's learning how to communicate to properly deal with it.
2. Having feminist ideals
Just because you've got feminist notions about how women should be treated it doesn't mean you're a "bad" girlfriend. You can pursue gender equality and still do cute relationship things, like cooking your partner dinner. As a feminist, you don't have to be "against" relationships and men, and as a woman in a relationship, you don't need to be against feminism. You can be both at once, and neither diminishes your ability to be the other.
3. Needing your space
Even the happiest couples need alone time. Even if that just means you're sitting in the other room reading on your own. Whatever "space" means to you (as long as it's within the defined boundaries of the relationship. Like "sleeping with other people" probably doesn't count as "space", even if you've ordained that's what you "need".), it's okay to need it. It doesn't make you a bad girlfriend to want to spend an hour in the evening gardening, or going for a drink with a friend, or generally pottering about minding your own business.
4. Not being in the mood for sex
Being a "good" girlfriend doesn't mean you always have to "up for it". Sometimes, you're allowed to be too tired or too mad or too bloated or too anything to want to have sex. Refusing sex doesn't make you a bad girlfriend. (Although if you're NEVER motivated to have sex with your partner, you might want to consider why. It still doesn't make you a "bad" girlfriend, but maybe you're in an unhappy relationship, which is generally bad for all parties involved.)
5. Being jealous
Everyone gets jealous. It doesn't mean you're bad. What will affect your relationship, however, is how you deal with your jealousy. You need to be able to identify it, discuss it, and move on from it. If it's constantly causing problems, the root of that jealousy should really be addressed. But jealousy is a very basic human emotion that everyone feels often, and not just in romantic relationships. Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad about it, because they've also been jealous about something at one time. Again, what matters isn't the feeling, it's how you address and cope with it.
If anything, farting makes you an awesome girlfriend. Never go out with anyone who thinks your farts make you anything less than an amazing, gassy person. I mean, have you ever met a dude that doesn't regard every single one of his bowel movements with a great sense of pride?
7. Being financially independent
Sometimes being a successful, financially independent woman can be burdensome on relationships. Sometimes men don't like to earn less, or to not be as far along in their career as the woman they're in a relationship with. These men suck. Being incredible and accomplished doesn't make you a bad girlfriend. But someone who feels like that's a problem for your relationship is most certainly a bad boyfriend, so drop the deadweight and go back to making it rain.
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