Dina Manzo Will Return to 'Real Housewives of New Jersey,' But What Do The Other Housewives Think?
Occasionally, a celebrity news story will catch you off guard. This is not one of those stories. As predicted, Dina Manzo will return to The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Caroline Manzo and Jacqueline Laurita are out, and D-Manzo is in! Will the Laurita-Manzos ever make amends? And when they do, will Andy Cohen be there to mediate? Today, the younger Manzo sister made her Bravo homecoming Twitter-official (and alluded to the true star of the franchise, Grandma Wrinkles).
Now that the world has received confirmation from D-Manzo, I'm dying to know what the rest of the Housewives think. I'm sure everyone will be very polite. BORING! So, I dreamed that I threw a dinner party for the Housewives. I imagined I invited a representative from each series to my apartment to nosh on charcuterie and speak candidly about Dina.
The following statements are what I like to think each housewife would say about Manzo's return to the series. None of this is real. I repeat, none of this is real. What is "reality," anyway?
NENE LEAKES, REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA
NeNe Leakes: "I'm sorry, who? Was she on Celebrity Apprentice? Did she have a wedding special? Why do we care?"Me: "Oh, she tweeted at you about your wedding."NeNe: "She better watch herself… nobody starts a Twitter war with NeNe Leakes (Reads tweet)... OH! Dina. I do remember her. How nice. Tell her I say congratulations."Me: "You could tweet it to her."NeNe: "Nah, I'm good."
HEATHER DUBROW, REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY
Heather Dubrow: "How wonderful for her. She seems like someone who would enjoy a painting party."Me: "She'd probably find that excruciatingly boring. Sorry, Heather."
YOLANDA FOSTER, REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS
Yolanda Foster: "Do you want some lemons?"Me: "No thanks, Yolanda. But you didn't answer my question about Dina Manzo."Yolanda: "My husband has a bunch of Grammys. Would you like to listen to him play the piano?"Me: "What? He's not here. I don't have a piano. Once again, do you have any thoughts on Dina?"Yolanda: "The doors on my refrigerator are clear and the shelves are organized spectacularly. It's a work of art. I designed it. Here is a photo."Me: "You know, Dina had a party planning/decorating show on HGTV. You two could bond over house stuff."Yolanda: "LOOK AT MY EXQUISITE REFRIGERATOR."Me: (Sighs)
ALEXIA ECHEVARRIA, REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI
Alexia Echevarria: "Please. Been there, done that."Me: "I take it her return does not impress you?"Alexia: "Have you seen my house? It takes a little more than a return to a reality show to impress me."
TERESA GUIDICE, REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY
Teresa Guidice: "Kidding me? You invited me over here for this? Do you have any clue what's going on in my life?!"Me: "Sorry, Teresa. You can leave if you want."Teresa: "And you KNOW Dina and I are friends! I'm telling her all about this stupid dinner party. I'm going to make Melissa take my place. She can suffer through your room temperature store-bought hummus. "
MELISSA GORGA, REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY
Melissa Gorga: "Wait. I always thought that person was Kim D."Me: "Are you serious right now? Dina was on your show before you were cast!"Melissa: "What are you talking about?"Me: "Caroline's sister."Melissa: "Oh! DINA!"Me: "…"Melissa: "You pronounced her name incorrectly."Me: "We say it the same way."Melissa: "Whatever. All I'll say is that I miss Caroline and Jacqueline."
SONJA MORGAN, REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK
Sonja Morgan: "Oh, I always liked her. I bet she'd close down the Bravo holiday party with Ramona and me this year."Me: "What makes you say that?"Sonja: "She has blonde hair, we have blonde hair. It's destiny."Me: "I have blonde hair."Sonja: "Sorry, but no. This 'party' you cobbled together is a bust. You don't count."
Everyone agreed with Sonja and ditched the dinner party after the hors d'oeuvres. So, I was left with no choice but to eat an imaginary pot roast by myself.