Hey, I don't ask you guys for much — so could you just do me a quick favor and get as obsessed with Amy Schumer as I am? To be honest, I can't believe you aren't there already, given what a complete and total badass this woman is, and how frequently she can bring not only normals, but other comedians to tears laughing at her material. But, we all make mistakes, y'know? Now isn't the time for me to judge you for not getting hip to Schumer and her hilarious show Inside Amy Schumer, or her hosting bits at the MTV Movie Awards, or her delightfully disgusting performances at roasts... it's a time for acceptance, and moving forward with our lives.
After all, if we hold onto these negative feelings, then how are we supposed to all go in a group to see Schumer's raunchy take on a romantic comedy, Trainwreck , which also stars Bill Hader, Vanessa Bayer, and Tilda Swinton, and comes out July 17? Little shameless plug there, because this movie is the one I'm most excited about all summer, so I need everyone to get their heads in the game post-haste. Or even faster than post-haste, if that works for you, because you should've been aboard this train(wreck) years ago.
So in hopes of getting you to clamber on a little faster, I put together a little collection of Schumer's best stand up moments over the years. You officially have no excuses left to not worship the ground this woman walks on.
There's this little gem from back in the day...
This is from when Schumer wasn't super well known yet, but still had the balls to begin a set on Conan with some very controversial jokes. Like, super controversial.
Introducing... Amy Hemsworth
Fully aware that this isn't standup, per se, but that photo of her at the end with the Hemsworth brothers is just too worth it not to include.
This is LA in a nutshell
I don't think anyone's ever exemplified LA better than the phrase, "Can you lose thirty pounds to play the fat friend?" Perfection.
Her wit is unparalleled
She has so many good lines in this one, but I particularly enjoyed when she lost the band after her Bill Cosby joke. She's so great with the quick, witty commentary.
In which she offers the best descriptor ever
Schumer tends to do long runs of comedy during interviews, like Louis C.K., which makes them basically little standup vignettes, and leaves us with the descriptor "jack-o-lantern with tits," which I couldn't be happier about.
She's a pro at dealing with hecklers
I feel like you can tell a whole bunch about a comedian by how they deal with hecklers, and Schumer is a real pro. Very clutch Bobby Fischer reference.
The time she got real about sex
Finally someone willing to admit that the only thing we all truly want during sex is to lie there while someone else does the work and whisper "you're welcome" in their ear.
The time she got real about porn
Real ladies watch porn!
Also, the time she made Ellen cry with laughter
And say what you will about Schumer being gross, but anyone who can make Ellen DeGeneres cry laughing is okay with me.
She's got some good one-liners
This one starts out a little shaky with some not at all funny rape jokes (aka, rape jokes are never funny), but reels it back in for lines like, "What's your name? Gross." And, "What do I know, I'm not a doctor."