Sigh. Does it feel like we've been waiting forever for this new royal baby or what? Kate Middleton's alleged due date was last week, but at long last, Kate Middleton is in labor. Obviously, this wait was far more painful for Middleton and Prince William than it was for me, but I'm pretty excited for all of the exciting things that are going to happen after this baby's birth. The first official photograph, finding out what dress Middleton will wear to leave the hospital, photos of George holding a newborn — these are all things I'm looking forward to. But first, something important has to happen. The royal baby's birth has to be announced on a very fancy easel in front of the palace.
There's only one problem, though. These types of announcements happen to be terribly boring. When Prince George was born, the easel simply said,
Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge was safely delivered of a son at 4:24 p.m. The baby weighs 8 pounds 6 ounces. Her Royal Highness and her child are both doing well.
Yes, it gets the job done, but this the royal family. You're telling me they can't do better than that?
In case William and Middleton are feeling they're lacking in the creativity department — and what woman who has a baby after being a week overdue wouldn't be? — I have them covered. Here are a few ideas of birth announcements they could use on the easel instead.
A Pink Or Blue Crown
Simple, sophisticated, and adorable. Instead of the announcement, Middleton and Prince William can just send a crown with pink or blue gems on it to sit on the easel, and release the other important info in a press release. The easel's just for show anyway, isn't it? This could also be cute with a pink or blue teacup, because, you know. Tea. British people.
An Announcement Carried By Lupo
Who doesn't love the royal dog? Lupo can trot out carrying a scroll in his mouth, which one of the palace guards can unroll and place on the easel.
A Photo Of How George Is Taking The News
Prince George is one of the most expressive babies I've ever seen. He's usually pissed off about something — probably the commoners who try to interact with him — but a photo of his reaction to his new baby brother or sister on the easel would be so cute. Unless, of course, he was disgusted by the idea of no longer being an only child, which I can totally understand.
You know that old Geico commercial about expensive collect calls? Bob calls his parents to tell them he and his wife had a baby and uses "Wehadababyitsaboy" as his last name for the collect call so he could tell them for free, and the royal family could do the same thing. Just a single piece of paper with those words on it, depending on the baby's gender. And they don't have to say they're Bob if they don't want to.