What's The Royal Baby Email Chain Between Kate Middleton and Her Friends Like? We Imagined It, So You Don't Have To (PARODY)

When something big happens in your friends' lives — births, marriages, an especially raucous game of Settlers of Catan — you set a friend-wide email chain in motion, and we have no reason to believe that our beloved Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton didn't do the same after this morning's birth of the second royal child. I mean, yeah, she's a royal, but she's a millennial, too. And as any true millennial knows, no major life event is ever actually real until at least five of your friends have commented on it.

Obviously, we don't have access to any actual royal family emails — what do I look like to you, an actual investigative reporter? I can't steal secret emails; I can't even figure out how to stop Snapchatting pictures of the inside of my pocket to my college alumni association. But I sure can lie — so, along with Bustle editors Emma Lord and Julie Alvin, we've imagined a conversation between Kate Middleton, her ladies-in-waiting, and assorted sundry royals discussing the hot topic that is Royal Baby 2: Electric Bugaloo.

Is it accurate? No. Is it true to the generous and warm spirit that Kate Middleton has consistently shown to the world? No. Did we have any coffee before we wrote it? No. But is it here. And what else have you got to do on a Saturday morning besides read it? Cook a healthy and wholesome breakfast? Engage with your family? Take part in the glorious beauty of our natural world? Ha.

Well-wishers are instructed to send gifts and congratulatory notes to the happy couple via Sarah (not Beth, ugh).