It's May 25 and you know what that means... unless you don't. It's Towel Day. A day when we honor the genius of science fiction phenome Douglas Adams by sporting his most beloved travel accessory. And of course, geekily quote our favorite bits to fellow Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fans.... "You're turning into a penguin. Stop it!" Sorry. Couldn't resist. It's a good day.
But it's gotten me thinking. Is that all? We get just one itty-bitty holiday for books in a year of 365 days and like an infinite amount of quote-worthy books? That's so not enough. We need to think bigger. Much, much bigger.
If Douglas Adams gets a holiday, I can think about 8 million more authors who deserve the same. I’ve come up with just a few suggestions off the top of my head… something to get us started. But really, every day of the year should be a holiday for our paperbacked friends. So I’d encourage all of you to pick up your favorite book and shout its name from the rooftops. That will be how we declare our new holidays. I've decided.
And what’s to stop us? We’re prepared — we’ve got our towels. Go to.
International Macondo Day (One Hundred Years of Solitude)
In One Hundred Years of Solitude Gabriel García Márquez creates a self-contained world in the midst of the Columbian jungle where anything can happen. Women ascend into the heavens. Magic carpets soar through the sky. And the people down on earth are captivated by ice, gypsies and little gold fishes. Spend today in your own world of magical realism. Face a firing squad, disappear into a nearby jungle, and tear down banana factory. Let me know if you find a flying carpet.
National Dress Like a Muggle Day (the Harry Potter Series)
Get it? Because every day is dress like a muggle day. Because we're all non-magical normals and not wizards like Harry, damn it. I'm still convinced that my invitation to Howgarts burned up in the chimney. I'd been in Gryffindor. Sigh. Every day is Muggle Day.
A day, what a day,when it's demanded that you Speak like the Grinch, a Lorax or Who.
Mrs. Dallo-day (Mrs. Dalloway)
For almost a century Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway has been inspiring filmmakers, novelists and a slew of feminists to turn introspective (and for extra credit, bitter). Today she'll inspire you. Throw a big Mrs. Dalloway-themed party filled with flowers and people secretly wishing they were sleeping with other people. Get enough booze flowing and Mrs. Dallo-day could be EPIC.
Machiavellian March (The Prince)
It will be the new March Madness — one month of ruthless ambition and merciless manipulations in the pursuit of naked power. We can also call this Your Favorite American Politican March, but it doesn't have the same ring to it.
Every Epic Russian Novel Day
This day starts with intense vodka drinking followed by a doomed affair, a binge on vodka, a plot of revolution, and a binge on champagne. It ends when you commit a felony to prove a philosophical point. Also make time to talk about farm reform.
For National Heming-Day the rule is you go to Paris or you find Paris near you. No, not Pret A Manger. I'm talking an undiscovered café with café creme that is good, and women who are good but grim. Write in a notebook all day then toss the notebook in the river (also the café must be near a river). Once you've lost everything you've written, à la Hemingway, you're ready to drown your sorrows in cold white wine and mussels.
April 51st - Fahrenheit 451 Day
God, I love a good dystopia. The dissension, the despair, and best of all, the funny outfits. And nothing comes close to the amazingness that is Fahrenheit 451, the book about a world without books. So let's celebrate it the way Bradbury would like best. A good, old-fashioned book burning!
Actually, wait. This is a terrible, terrible idea.
Yes Please Bossypants Week
What won't we do for Yes PleaseBossypants week? Night cheese and scrapbooks? Check. Awkward yet hilarious dancing whenever we feel like it? Oh yeah. Kill it at hosting the Oscars? Yes, please. Images: Barbara Abate/flickr, Giphy (9)