This Girl Got Caught Poisoning Her Roommate's Food

Roommate horror stories are seriously one of my favorite conversation topics. They're fun in the same way scary movies are fun—because they aren't currently happening to you. There are ways to deal with annoying roommates, but what's a human to do when things get actually dangerous? When someone is essentially breaking the law in malicious ways and those ways are directed at you? This South Carolina coed is the absolute zenith of bad roommate: She spat and poured Windex into her roommates' food. And it's not like this a weird hunch: There's a video of her appearing to do those things. Craigslist, can you start screening for things like this?

In the decade or so outside I've spent not living under my parents' roof, I've churned nearly 30 roommates in various living situations. I have very good/tragic tales of roommates past. I won't derail and get completely in to those now, but I will give a hint of one especially bummer anecdote: Someone was masturbating in my bathroom regularly. Guuuh. Anyway, in South Carolina, what apparently started as what sounds like a plain bad fit among roommates has exploded into a straight-up war path. Hayley King, 22, was acting so hostile and creepy, her roommates planted a hidden camera in their shared kitchen to see if their suspicions were confirmed. I feel like this is one of those times when you've gotta really hope you're wrong.

It appears that they were, sadly, not wrong in suspecting their weirdo roommate was up to no good. The video captured footage the morning of February 4. In it, King selected several food containers from the communal fridge and kitchen and appears to spit in it before she sprays glass cleaner on the food items. NO. So much no.

King looks to be leaning over open Tupperware, seeming to catching her drool among her roommates' food. Her technique in swirling the spit and Windex in the food—one-handed—I find, is the most chilling part. It looks practiced and polished, as if this was how she normally spends her minutes just before nine every morning. Worse yet, one of King's roommates told the Columbia Police Department she ate some of the tampered food. See the whole shebang below:

Basically, following a few especially heated arguments among the University of South Carolina roommates before this incident took place, King still refused to move out. Her roommates gathered to discuss a plan of action. They agreed a hidden camera would help give them peace of mind—hopefully. Now what they captured from that camera is fueling a court case against King.

Officials arrested King five days after video was shot. They charged her with unlawful, malicious tampering with human drug product or food. That isn't a minor offense, y'all. Such a charge is classified in South Carolina as a felony that could slap King with up to 20 years in prison, if a judge convicts her as guilty. King confessed to the allegations in a recorded conversation with CPD. Her next court date is scheduled for today.

Although I can't and won't argue the total freak show nature of the decision to douse someone's food in glass cleaner, the quantities King doled are unlikely to cause any major physical damage (psychologically, though, begs to be pondered). Apparently just two ounces of Windex is enough make a person drunk. One would have to chug close to 14 ounces to actually endanger their physical well-being.

And the spit? Well, that carries the same kinds of threats as sharing a drink or making out with someone—meaning, you could catch a cold. Except, in King's roommates' cases, they didn't get the bonus of an awesome sip of another person's cocktail or an exciting necking sesh. King's spit is just there, secretly contaminating the food. Also, consent. Duh. You usually choose to expose yourself to someone else's germs, which clearly didn't happen in this case.

Regardless of legit bodily harm possible, King's alleged intentions are clearly suspicious and questionable. Her roommates had definite warrant in feeling unsafe living with her. Hopefully the ruling can remedy the paranoid feelings that caused one of her roommates to fall behind in classes.

Kinda makes you wanna kiss your current, likely less crazy-seeming roommates on the lips, right? Kinda. I still cannot with that one roommate who made my bathroom his personal, clandestine whack-off chamber. But. This is why I live alone.

Images: 20th Century Fox; WISTV; Giphy (2)