Oreo Churros Exist, And They Are About To Come To A Movie Theater Near You, Praise All That Is Frosted — PHOTO
In the past few years, I feel like of our lives have changed a kit, save for one constant: We are still testing the capacity of how far we can bastardize the Oreo without destroying ourselves. This has led us down some tumultuous but worthwhile paths to experiments like bacon wrapped Oreos and drunken Oreos, and even fried chicken Oreos, because the human race has no chill left whatsoever. Hopefully, the new Oreo churros will live up to the good Oreo name, though, because starting this summer they could be offered in a movie theater near you.
It turns out that every year there is a magical gathering called CinemaCon, and in this mythical place, a bunch of potential vendors line themselves up to offer up the creations for the scrutiny of major movie theater chains. Thank all that is chocolate, AMC and Regal theaters have picked up the Oreo churro, which will be served in several different ways: They will either come as a 10-inch long stick, several 7-inch twists, or bite-sized bits. And of course, they'll all come with dipping sauce. I can't imagine a universe where any of those three aren't totally valid dessert options, so basically someone is going to need to get a bucket to catch my drool while I fantasize about these and wait for them to hit theaters this summer.
As you can imagine, Oreo churros weren't the only food to make the movie theater cut this year. Here is a definitive ranking of all the other treats you can eat while you're hiding from the sun this summer, ranked from most delicious to most NO PLEASE GOD NO:
New Icee Flavors
Drumroll, please: We've got Sour Green Apple Watermelon, Banana Berry Punch, and Sugar Cookie. You can even get sprinkles on it. Yes and PLEASE.
New Nacho Dipping Sauces
New in the running are the Queso Blanco, Triple Hot, Taco, Beer Cheese, and Smoky Bacon Cheddar dips. Combining all of them is the fastest and most delicious way I can think of to kill a man.
Foot Long Beef Hot Dogs
I'm trying to get excited about these, but I can't. You can get a grotesquely large hot dog at any old grocery store. The magic just isn't the same when you're paying through the nose for it.
RICE CAKES. I quit, human race. I QUIT.
Images: J&J Snacks; Giphy(4)