'Homeland': Who's the Double Agent Now? And Other Melodramatic Twists Involving Broken Bottles And Pregnancy Tests

So, it looks like the massive "it was all just a ploy" arch is more or less over at this point. But hey, it's not like that plot line was any more ridiculous than Carrie Mathison and the Homeland team searching for the Big Bad Wolf. Oh wait, that was Sesame Street. Anyways, what happened this week on everyone's former favorite drama? Carrie is at work. Saul is at work. Peter Quinn is at work lurking in some dark corners. Claire Danes is topless in Interview.

Majid Javadi is the new bad guy on the Homeland scene and like any good intelligence officer (and he is, just for Iran), he knows to say delicious poison-in-the-ear-like things such as, "The most important ingredient: Trust."

Not that it is a lie, exactly. Who you can trust is one of the overarching themes of the show (and for the show runners, why do they constantly pull this stuff?!). The characters cultivate sources so that they can be trusted, and therefore betray someone else. SPOILERS AHEAD.

This week's Homeland Melodrama Quotient:

  • After his wife may or may not still be involved with a very good-looking man and he doesn't get the job at the CIA, Saul has all the feels. Well, that's to be expected. He's going through a lot. (Saul: +10)
  • Getting a lie detector test by the Iranians with a straight up, "Can you provide us with CIA information?" (Carrie: +10)
  • Carrie getting the bodyguards booted out of the room with Javadi and he subtly figures out that she's lying. Well, there are minimal points for subtlety here. (Javadi: +5)
  • Carrie says to Javadi: "You are now an enemy of your own state," and still gets some Fiji water in the process? Carrie being pretty badass! (Carrie: +20)
  • "When did you and Saul hatch this plan?" says Javadi. Is this really how far this plot twist is going to go? What a waste! Points to Saul and Carrie for hatching the lame plan. (Saul: +50; Carrie: +50)
  • "Let's go." "Where's Mr. Javadi?" Don't get into the black car of death, Carrie! Of course she got into the car. (Carrie: +20)
  • Saul's revolutionary story where four of his friends were killed AND THAT PICTURE. Javadi killed them to get in with the new regime. Homeland, even you can do better than a man out for revenge for his friends killed more than 30 years ago. (Saul: +100)
  • "Turning an intelligence officer against his own country. That's the most uncertain, delicate work there is." And intercut with those Putin-esque shots of Javadi… Sounds like The Most Dangerous Game. (Saul: +150)
  • Carrie gets dropped off underneath a strange bridge in the middle of nowhere? Really, can it get more cliche? (Carrie: +15)
  • Dana Brody wants a name change. She's on the news and everyone thinks her dad is evil. Okay, that makes sense. (Dana: +1)
  • "We lost you. Move on please." Cold. (Saul: +30)
  • Carrie is taking a pregnancy test! And is pregnant! Who's the daddy?! Is that why she NEEDS to find Brody? (Carrie: +50)
  • Um. THAT GIANT DRAWER OF PREGNANCY TESTS IS INSANE. Girl, start using protection. Also, you peed on that those. Throw. Them. Out. (Carrie: +250)
  • "Change is in order, no matter how painful," says new CIA Director. Somali, Libya, Uganda. Are those really what days the U.S. wants to bring back? (Andrew Lockhart: +50)
  • "It's me. I'm here, out back." Oh god. Creepy stalker/beautiful man Peter Quinn. Why are you such a stalker? (Quinn: +10)
  • Peter Quinn seeing the Brody map and not thinking she's nuts… because that map is crazy. Totally insane. (Quinn: +50)
  • The name-change administrator recognizes Dana and Jessica. (Dana: +5)
  • The FBI calls racial profiling "domain management." Super sad true things about how our government works. (U.S. government: +10)
  • Javadi is going to get his ex-wife who Saul got into the U.S. Revenge never sleeps. (Javadi: +50)
  • Killing your ex-wife by stabbing her in the neck with a broken bottle when there's a gun nearby? That is just COLD. (Javadi: +300)
  • "There's a baby in here, what do we do with it?" "Leave it." It just witnessed two murders and now is going to have abandonment issues? ICE. (Saul: +100)
  • Dana is moving out! To her friend's house. Surprise, mom! (Dana: +100)
  • When will Chris get any real lines? He just stands there and smiles as she walks out? More melodrama for her! (Dana: +50)
  • "Saul, you don't look like a man who just landed the biggest asset of his career," says Javadi just after he's out of his chains. Whoa. (Javadi: +25)
  • Saul punches Javadi in the face and he goes flying. (Saul: +100)

And this week's winner is: Saul! Because while drawers full of used pregnancy tests and killing your ex-wife with a broken bottle is insane and depraved and gross, the slow, plodding ridiculousness of the present CIA storyline (of which Saul is the mastermind) wins it all!

Image: Showtime