For all the moms out there, I hope you had a good Mother's Day, because it's about to get even better. Jimmy Kimmel hit the streets of New York to ask kids to pick a favorite parent this past week, and it got closer to a real life Hunger Games than anything I'd ever seen in this city. Why go down this dark rabbit hole? Apparently a study came out claiming that three out of four kids would rather spend time with their mom than their dad, so Kimmel hit the streets to put some unsuspecting families on the spot and put this theory to the test. Sure enough, mom won out just about every time.
Not only did the moms overwhelmingly win their children's love, but they also won some pretty extreme survival scenarios. Most kids dutifully claimed to love their parents equally, at which point the stakes were raised—for instance, in one scenario, there's a zombie attacking, and he is going to eat one of your parents. Who is it gonna be?
...#SorryDad. Those kids sold their dads out faster than the zombie could actually get to them.
These kids are altogether cuter and kinder to their parents than I was. Although I have no memory of this, my mom told me that I once, utterly unprompted, announced to my (still happily married) parents that if they ever got a divorce, I'd live with my dad. Why? Because for some reason I just assumed he had more money. (Both my parents had baller jobs, so thanks, patriarchy, for putting that into my brain waves good and young.) Anyway, I was basically a baby gold-digger who didn't deserve my mother's love or Jimmy Kimmel's zombie questions the way that these precious kids did.
Anyway, if you're going to pick one parent over the other, there are several ways you can gracefully break the news, including and not limited to:
Ripping the band-aid off
BOOM. Little guy didn't even hesitate.
Pretend to be uncertain
Or just slay so much with your cuteness that you could pretty much start casting spells in the middle of the street and people would be all, "Awwww."
Break the news with an apocalypse
Getting ripped limb from limb will probably ease the blow of not being as loved as the other parent. I mean, what else are zombie apocalypses for?
Here's the whole video, which might inspire you to hug your dad or any dad-folk you know before they all go down in the imminent zombie breakout: