As you may or may not know, Twitter Queen Anna Kendrick is writing a book of funny essays for public consumption, and let me just tell you now my eyeballs will be ALL OVER that once it’s released. Anna Kendrick is my Internet spirit animal (and everyone else’s, probably). If I had to pick a celeb to hammer down shots of Fireball with at a divey L.A. bar and then proceed to purchase too much McDonald’s breakfast combos in our hungover state, it would 110 percent be Anna. She seems like the type who’d encourage singing Spice Girls during drunk karaoke and videotape the evidence for your viewing pleasure the next day, and I respect that.
What makes Anna so relatable, I think, is that she maintains high levels of keeping it REAL. Her mind is a magnificent, honest place and her mouth is an unapologetic filter where we can all appreciate her verbal regurgitation. Combatting awkward situations? She’s got that on lock. Really, we all just need to adopt WWAKD (What Would Anna Kendrick Do) as our life motto. I’ll make bracelets.
While we wait for Kendrick’s collection of essays with great anticipation, we can only guess at what the content might be. This is why I’ve come up with some excellent essay titles that really should be included in this magical memoir. If you need more inspiration, Anna, don’t worry — I’ve got your back.
"Cupcakes for Breakfast and Other Tales of Adulting"
Listen. The transition to adulthood ain’t easy. I mean, do you spend your last $20 on gas money… or Chipotle? (The latter. Always the latter). Although she’s on another level of Hollywood stardom, Anna somehow speaks the honest truths about adulting. Like how stumbling upon quarters is like finding the Holy Grail of clean laundry and the real struggles of doing what you love. We want more of these quippy life lessons to know we aren’t TOTALLY alone in our adulting experience.
"The Best and Worst Things About Boobs"
Anna has a lot of important feelings about boobs, whether it’s admiring Katy Perry’s fabulous rack or worrying about flashing Ariana Grande with a nip slip. Although society deems our fleshy orbs as sexy, it doesn’t mean they are always so. It takes proper wardrobe styling and confidence to WERK. IT., which is why there should be an entire essay Anna should dedicate to all the terrific breasts. There’s no shame in this boob game.
"QUEEN BEY and Other Celebrity Encounters That Were A Religious Experience"
As a society, we LOVE following celebrity BFFs. I mean, just look at how obsessed we are with Taylor Swift and her friendship squad. Anna has talked about fangirling over the one true BAE herself (Beyoncé, of course), but obviously we want more. Better yet, give us hilarious tales of best friend shenanigans. I mean, Anna and Aubrey Plaza are besties. Don’t try and tell me there isn’t any good material there waiting to be put on page.
"The Truly Magnificent Realities of Singledom"
Look, there’s no shame in being single. You have no one that will interrupt your beloved Taco Bell, Netflix, and sweatpants time. The world needs to hear Anna’s witty perspective on the topic. FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, ANNA, I BEG YOU.
"The Never Ending Recollection of Brilliant Entrepreneurial Ideas"
Like uncovering buried treasure, Anna’s mind is a goldmine of brilliant ideas. Puppy rentals for people with hangovers? Uh, yes, please. I know there has to be more where this came from, which is why I’m requesting an essay dedicated to these entrepreneurial ideas. Bonus points if they were brain birthed after a few drinks.
"'Where’s the Wine?' and Other Mediocre Days"
As fabulous as Anna Kendrick truly is, it doesn’t mean everyday life is all glitter and unicorns. We know she’s clearly capable of putting a humorous, sassy spin on even the imperfect days. We all have them, which is why it’d be fun to read MULTIPLE essays on this vastly relatable topic.
"Eating All the Snacks at a Party, and Other Things That Should be Socially Acceptable"
We gravitate toward celebs that make us feel like one of them, like Jennifer Lawrence’s infamous Oscars fall, for instance. Anna’s never been shy about speaking what we’re all thinking, and we love her dearly for it. This is precisely why we need a narrative that covers giving zero f*cks about falling from social grace.
"The Secrets to Rocking Confidence Like a Total BO$$"
I mean, honestly Anna. JUST TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.
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