By now, you've probably heard the semi-miraculous news that certain Taco Bell restaurants may serve alcohol, and now the single most pressing question you have on the brain is this: which alcohol goes best with your Taco Bell order? What in the world are you going to drink with your baja chalupa? The moment you've been waiting for your whole adult life is finally here, and you need to be prepared.
Perhaps the most interesting aspect of this news is that Taco Bell is traditionally the food you (partially) sober up with after a night of beer pong, or downtown shenanigans, or post break-up gorging sessions. Alcohol has, in a way, always been our night-out appetizer while good old T-Bell has served as the final entree, bringer of questionably delicious meals in the midst of whatever definitively poor life decisions we'd made earlier. That being said, the ability to pair both in one sitting will either turn out utterly fantastic or completely destructive. I mean, look at sushi. Healthy, light and innocent all on its own, but throw some sake in there, and all of a sudden your boyfriend is carrying you out of bar number three and you're not sure whose turquoise sequin iPhone case this is. In the mean time, though, let's view this news with an optimistic eye, and by optimistic eye I mean no holds barred brainstorming as to which alcohol would go best with our favorite Taco Bell delicacies.
Your order: Mhmm, though she be but new, she is fierce. This little one is available "for a limited time," and is therefore twice as delicious. It seems to be Taco Bell's first foray into straight-up fried chicken filets, and the general response has been a positive one. I'm sure we'll see it seasonally as the years forge ahead.
The alcohol: A nice, light beer. I'm thinking a brand like Blue Moon that'll provide a little buzz, but won't overwhelm the hearty flavors of the Chickstar.
2. Sriracha Quesarito
Your order: Another semi-newbie, the addition of Sriracha to the T-Bell family was both ingenious and dangerous. Not in that order. Anyone who's a fan of the cough-inducing spicy sauce will love this thing.
The alcohol: Vodka all the way. The taste of Sriracha is just bold enough to drown out the even bolder taste of our favorite intoxicator.
3. Doritos Locos Taco
Your order: If you haven't tried it yet, the Doritos locos taco truly is a mini-mix of the best things in the universe. Such a broad range of flavors calls for a nuanced sort of drink.
The alcohol: This is a straight-up margarita sort of meal. The fruity, tangy taste of your favorite marg will undoubtedly be the ideal accompaniment to the seasoned, spicy profile of the taco.
4. Triple Steak Stack
Your order: Steak can be heavy. It can be overwhelming. Cheese only adds to that weight, so let's be sure to pair it with a light, crazy, delicious drink.
The alcohol: Tequila, of course. What better to imbibe as you chew on that dairy-laden meat? Nothing will give you the pep in your step you'll need after knocking this guy down than the sassiest party animal of the alcohol family.
5. Mexican Pizza
Your order: An oldie but a goodie, this little beast will satisfy a particularly unique craving; you want the hearty feel of a pizza in your mouth, but need a little zest to keep it fresh? Look no further.
The alcohol: What better than a little wine to supplement the barrage of differing flavors accosting your taste buds?
Taco Bell is an old family favorite. We can't wait to see what alcohols they will indeed offer, but we're willing to bet it'll be a glorious adventure. In your mouth.
Images: Taco Bell/Instagram (6)