The sophomore season of Southern Charm has been as full of drama and people telling us how charming they are as its debut season, but when Southern Charm ratings suffered a pretty serious slump (0.869 is basically code for "yikes") a few weeks ago, the cancellation rumors started flying. And then the very next week, the ratings jumped back up to the highest since the Season 1 Finale. What's the connection? Well, probably that the ratings jump came with a jump in Kathryn and Thomas' tumultuous relationship. So, if there's going to be a Southern Charm Season 3, it kind of all depends on the little Senator that could(n't).
I will admit that his endless self-delusions and Kathryn's connection to the drama keep me riveted in a way I wish they didn’t, but the interest in their storyline might have just reached its end, especially with assault rumors coming into play. And without Kathryn and Thomas, this season would have just been Shep telling Craig he can’t party because he’s poor and Whitney stirring an empty pot. But it gets worse, Southern Charm fans: There's also the fact that Thomas has said over and over in deleted Facebook posts that he won’t be returning for another season of Southern Charm; he says he quit filming Season 2 a month early when he says Bravo cameras shows up to a political engagement that he’d told them they couldn’t film; and he’s said over and over in deleted Facebook posts that he’s leaving the show for good.
But he also said that last season. So, with Thomas, and with basically the same ratings as last year, there’s a slim chance that the Charleston crew could live to shag another day. And if they do squeeze another check out of Andy Cohen, this is what I’m hoping for…
There's simply never enough Patricia, decked out in feathers, drinking a cocktail at any damn time she pleases. She's by far Southern Charm's most lovable breakout star and Season 3 would be wise to just spend half of each episode watching her teeter around her house, polishing her pink pistol.
And Southern Charm's most under-appreciated utility player is, of course, Cameran. Despite all the wisdom that pours out of her mouth with a Southern drawl and sly smile, Cameran doesn't get many storylines of her own. Maybe next season, Bravo could convince her very normal-seeming husband to stop by a party or two and give the girl someone else to bounce her wit off of.
OK, maybe just a two-woman show with Patricia and Cameran (and Michael the Butler, of course) where Pat teaches Cam the ways of the wealthy world.
A Little Less Talk & A Lot More Action
Let’s face it — since these people barely have jobs and are only friends with each other, they don’t really have a lot going on. But they will talk the hell out of what they do know: politics, downward life spirals, and former flings. But the real star this show has always been, and should always be, Charleston, South Carolina. I’d love to see the cast putting its culture to a little better use than for slinging gin and tonics on the porch (although that activity should definitely still be involved). Let’s send those folks to a sweet grass basket weaving class or something, Bravo.
Shep & Craig Being Fun Again
I'm all for spitting the truth with your friends but watching Shep try to tell Craig that he can't party the same way the other guys do because he doesn't have family money to fall back on has been painful. Because he's right, sure, but perhaps a real friend would be willing to make some life changes along side them. Or maybe everyone could just tone it down a bit and go back to the boys in men's seersucker they used to be. Southern Charm really doesn't need to tackle "issues."
Whitney Doing Something Productive
Whitney has some of the same weird, drawl-y charm his mother has, but it's hard to tolerate how much he loves getting in other people's business. Here's an idea: He should get his own business! Start making another weird, self-obsessed documentary; maybe open that restaurant; take Renob on the road — just do something that will distract us from Thomas being gone and not make everyone want to murder you on a porch! But please... don't run for Senate.
Of course, if Bravo doesn't give us a third helping of Southern Charm, these suggestions will be about as useful as the wine at Kathryn's second baby christening.
Images: Mathieu Young/Robert Ascroft/Bravo; Brianna Stello/Bravo; Jeff Gentner/Bravo; Paul Cheney/Bravo (2)