You Can Send Your Enemies Farts In A Jar, Because Sending Your Enemies Glitter Is So Two Months Ago
I am feeling rather unfashionable lately. Between the businesses that send glitter to your enemies, send a bag of dicks to your enemies, and send an empty box of nothing to your enemies, I have gathered that the rest of the world just has a surplus of enemies. I really have none, unless you count the writers of How I Met Your Mother, so I feel left out of Gen Y's shenanigans. It's probably for the best, though, now that you can send your enemies farts in a jar. I don't want to be a part of this anymore. I'm officially disconnecting my safety cord from the millennial mothership and letting myself float out into space.
The new business is called Send a Jart, and it's every bit as gross as it sounds. For a mere $10, it will send your friend/frenemy/arch nemesis a jar that reeks of farts. It also allows you to leave a custom message, too, just in case your victim isn't full-on blinded by the disgusting smell assaulting every orifice in their face and wants to read about how you hate their guts. (Pretty sure the fart smell already says it all, but if you're spending $10 then clarity is key.)
To make it worse, you can customize your fart jar to smell like any of these things:
8-hour trucker fart
Hungover frat boy
Vegan who tried meat again
Business-class airline passenger
World of Warcrafter
Pick your poison, I guess. You can buy your farts in a jar here, but just FYI, you can't buy back your own karma.