No Death Is Gruesome Enough For Ramsay Bolton

Ugh, Ramsay Bolton is the worst, you guys. He's undoubtedly one of the biggest villains on Game Of Thrones right now, along with his own father Roose and the recently-imprisoned Cersei — but he's not even the kind of villain you love to hate, like Joffrey. You just hate him. (At least I do. I assume you do too, unless you're into that whole flaying-people-alive thing.) If there was any doubt that Ramsay was the worst after spending a whole season torturing, humiliating, and castrating Theon, the up-jumped bastard certainly cemented that status for himself when he raped his new bride Sansa Stark on their wedding night. Now he pretty much only has one purpose left on the show: Ramsay needs to die on Game of Thrones — and preferably soon. Can the books give us any hint of how Ramsay dies, and who kills him?

Unfortunately, I've got some bad news for you non-book readers... Ramsay's actually still alive as of the end of the fifth book in George R.R. Martin's A Song Of Ice And Fire series. In fact, not only is Ramsay not dead, but he may actually have killed a fan-favorite character by the end of that book. I say "may" because so far we only have his word for it. (Spoiler alert!) In a gloating letter he sends to Jon Snow at the Wall following the Battle of Winterfell, he informs the Lord Commander of Stannis Baratheon's death:

"Your false king is dead, bastard. He and all his host were smashed in seven days of battle. I have his magic sword. Tell his red whore." — A Dance With Dragons, Chapter 69

Of course, we don't actually see the battle take place, so this could just be Ramsay bluffing. But on the off-chance that he's telling the truth (for once) and Stannis really is dead, then that only makes the necessity of his impending death even greater.

No death could possibly be gruesome enough for Ramsay Bolton, but here are the seven likeliest candidates for giving it their best shot... and how they would likely go about doing it:

Sansa Stark

Even though part of me wants to see Ramsay suffer an agonizingly slow death, a bigger part of me simply wants to see Sansa take that corkscrew she swiped last week and just jam it into her rapist's throat. Preferably in the heat of battle, causing the Boltons to lose control of Winterfell and making herself the Wardeness of the North.

Theon Greyjoy

How satisfying would it be to see "Reek" tie his torturer up to his own flaying post, slowly skin him alive, and then leave him to die like that poor old woman last week? This would definitely be the most appropriate death... which probably makes it the least likely to happen, sadly.

Brienne of Tarth

If Sansa ever manages to light that candle in the Broken Tower, nothing will stop Brienne from charging full steam ahead into Winterfell and helping the Stark girl escape. And, if Ramsay tries to stop her from taking his bride... let's just say that, if the Hound was no match for Brienne, then neither is Ramsay freakin' Bolton. Puh-lease.

Stannis Baratheon

Show runners David Benioff & D.B. Weiss have proven they're not afraid of changing major plot points this season. Maybe they'll play with book-readers' expectations of the Battle of Winterfell by placing Stannis in mortal peril... only to have him turn the tables at the last moment and stab Ramsay through the heart with his flaming sword, Lightbringer.

Melisandre of Asshai

Of course, if Stannis were to fall in battle as Ramsay claims in ADWD, then do you really think that his devoted Red Priestess would really take that defeat lying down? Or do you think she would use her blood magic to send another shadow baby to slide a knife through Ramsay's stupid throat? (Sadly, Shireen would probably have to be the blood sacrifice in this scenario, given that daddy Stannis wouldn't be around to stop it...)

Arya Stark

Eventually, Arya has to use the skills she learns from the Faceless Men and come back to Westeros to wreak havoc on her family's enemies. Top of that list would certainly be the man who killed her mother and brother at the Red Wedding and his son who raped her sister. The only problem with waiting for Arya to complete her training is that "eventually" will definitely not be soon enough.

Roose Bolton

The most ironic twist of all for Ramsay would be if he wasn't killed by one of his many, many, many enemies... but by his own daddy dearest. Roose has already proved himself to be an unsentimental tactician — he only legitimized Ramsay because he was useful, not out of any love for the boy. And, now that Lord Bolton has another heir cooking in Fat Walda's belly, he may very well decide that he'd rather stake his reputation on that unborn child than on the sadistic whims of his bastard, who would be more likely to taint the family name than uphold it. A dagger through the ribs? Some poison in his cup? A nasty fall down the stairs? There are so many ways Roose could kill his son — none of which the unsuspecting Ramsay would see coming, and all of which I'd be OK with.

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