Sex is the greatest, but when it's just not possible for two people to get some skin-on-skin action, they have to get creative if they're going to successfully get their rocks off. Phone sex has been an option for many years, but with the invention of cell phones and then smartphones, sending sexy messages (aka long-distance banging) has become even easier. A study of 1,280 participants by Statistic Brain revealed that 59 percent of adults aged 20 to 26 have sent a sexual text message, and 64 percent have received one in their lifetime. Those numbers are guaranteed to grow as technology advances even further.
When sexting first started to become a "thing," it was only done through text, as its name suggests. The most scandalous thing you could do was use some creative vocabulary to fuel your partner's greatest fantasies. Nowadays, phone cameras and apps like Snapchat have opened up a whole new world of mobile sex, and not all of it is filled with rainbows and orgasms. With all these options you have at your fingertips, it just takes one rogue tap of the "send" button to turn a wet dream into a nightmare.
Whether the dirtiest thing you've ever sent was a selfie with a bit of visible cleavage, or you consider yourself a sexting pro, it's important to make sure that you don't make any of these sextual mistakes when you decide to talk dirty with your fingers. The next time you pick up your phone to send a sexy selfie, make sure you're not guilty of any of these faux pas. One awkward autocorrect could mean the difference between a big O and a big oh-no.
1. Overusing emojis
There's about a million emojis out there, and 999,999 of them could probably play important roles in sexual innuendo if you really wanted them to. Let's be real, though: in the millisecond it takes for your brain to process that an eggplant and a peach aren't supposed to represent an eggplant and a peach, a bit of the mood gets lost. Save the symbolism for before or after things get hot, not during.
2. Abbreviating words
Call me old-fashioned or even just old, but in a world of autocorrect and elementary school spelling classes, I feel like there's no reason for the phrase "U want me to suk it 4 u?" to ever be thought of, written, and then sent to someone you're sexually attracted to. Deliberately misspelling words — or worse, substituting them with letters or numbers — is the perfect way to show your sexting partner that you haven't intellectually moved on past 5th grade and MySpace, which is almost a guaranteed libido-destroyer. If you want to get dirty with someone, you have to get wordy with them first.
3. Sexting one person while texting someone else
Once upon a time, texting was the only possible form of written communication on a telephone. These days, we have access to things like WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, and Snapchat to add to our list of ways to send pictures of penises. With so many was to sext, it would be pretty easy to accidentally tell your dad via WhatsApp that you're imagining his huge boobs in your mouth when you meant to say it to your girlfriend via Messenger. If you really feel the urge to send that "8====D" to someone, make sure to double — and triple — check the recipient before you send it... and then close all your other apps just to be extra careful.
4. Jumping right into things without any warmup
People in real life don't go from talking about their unusually high water bill to giving someone a handjob in the span of five seconds, and the same rule should apply when sexting. For a sext to be good, it has to feel realistic...and welcome. Sending an unsolicited dick pic is likely to get the same reaction as flashing someone in public, so make sure that you're sexting partner is actually down to get dirty before bombarding them with verbal and visual jizz.
5. Sharing your received nudes with other people
Whether you just want to show your best friend or the entire internet, stop. And if you need any explanation as to why you shouldn't, you're not mature enough to even be talking about sex in the first place.
6. Using onomatopoeia
I'm really only including this because I once got a Facebook message from a random dude that said, and I quote, "Hey sexy. Nice titties. I push my huge veiny cock into your wet wet pussy. SQUELCHHH." It took me a minute, but I finally realized he was trying to type out a sex noise. I made some weird sound between a gag and a laugh ("AHAUGHCKAKAK," as he would say) and blocked him. I mean, I would think it would be common sense not to do this, but there's no way that this guy was the only one of 7 billion people in the world to try this, so please don't read this article and go on to be one of them.
7. Writing excessive exclamation points
F. Scott Fitzgerald once said that using exclamation points was like laughing at your own joke. In sexting, it's more like having an orgasm over your description of your own genitals. Using one here or there to convey enthusiasm is fine, but too many will have your partner envisioning you screaming sensual things into their ear.
8. Using an unappealing setting
Even the most beautiful, well-lit boob photo loses its appeal when there's an unflushed toilet behind you. When taking sexy photos for your partner, make sure your background looks just as good as your foreground. Having something that's a solid color behind you, such as a wall or a bed sheet, is generally pretty safe. But if you choose a mirror pic to show off your assets, make sure everything else it reflects is worthy scenery for a sexy pic.
9. Including your face
To be very, very clear, it is not your fault if your naked pictures get put online unless you are one of 33 percent of young adults who have put them there. But a 2008 Cosmogirl study found that up to 44 percent of teens say that they've shared or seen sexts be shared with other people. We can only assume that the numbers go down a little as people hit adulthood, but the fact remains that there are a lot of people out there who are doing number 5 even though they shouldn't be. We as a society are starting to make sure that the people who spread "revenge porn" are punished accordingly, but if your pics do get out there, you can protect yourself a bit by making sure that your face doesn't appear in any of them.
10. Continuing if you're not really into it
You might think that your excessive exclamation points and enthusiastic use of the tongue emoji are fooling your sexting partner into believing you're really into it, but trust me — they can see right through you. If you just aren't feeling very textually sexual, let them know. Whether it's done in real life or by phone, sex should be fun, and if it isn't, you're under no obligation to keep going.
Images: Fotolia; Giphy (10)