You'd think that copious Netflix marathon watching would be enough to satiate a Gilmore Girls fan, but you'd be wrong. Sure enough, the Internet bubbled with giddiness this weekend when our favorite Stars Hollow inhabitants reunited at the ATX Festival, and though the totes adorable Instagrams would be enough on its own, we had to wonder... is an upcoming Gilmore Girls film in the works? And the short answer is no, and you would know that already if you READ THE HEADLINE or looked at any website ever. But that doesn't mean we can't give Amy Sherman-Palladino a nudge in the right direction.
I don't want to brag, but I've spent most of my professional career predicting the lives of fictional characters. A dark childhood writing fanfiction has prepped me to be good at nothing else. So, I'm not saying I have a few plot lines ready for a Gilmore Girls movie, I'm just saying... no, I'm literally saying that. I have a few plot lines ready for a Gilmore Girls movie.
So let's get this party started before we have to conceptualize a script where Lorelai is raising hell in a Stars Hollow nursing home. Here's eight Hollywood-approved concepts.
1. Luke's Diner may be run out of business after a Starbucks opens across the street, and it's up to the citizens of Stars Hollow to stop it.
Then Lorelai gets a taste of a Caramel Ribbon Crunch frappucino and loses interest, because really, capitalism tends to win the second you introduce one of those into your small town. And have you had Starbucks coffee? Sorry, Luke.
2. Miss Patty goes to the big city to look for love in all the wrong places.
3. Maybe we could just film Milo Ventimiglia reading Hemingway while Alexis Bledel sits next to him, reading Ayn Rand, and leave it at that.
4. It's a regular 2 hour long episode of Gilmore Girls, but we just decide to recast everyone.
It's so hard getting everyone in the same room at the same time, so why don't we just cut out that problem and switch in other actors? Nobody would notice! Personally, I think Kate Upton would make an amazing Paris Geller.
5. Lorelai tries to get Rory to quit her new job at The Huffington Post to commit the ULTIMATE bank heist.
Classic mother-daughter bonding. And imagine the quippy dialogue that Sherman-Palladino would churn out for this.
6. It's a buddy comedy featuring Emily and Michel traveling cross-country to get to a Celine Dion concert.
Michel won tickets in a radio contest, and Emily was really trying to get out of the house after Richard died. ROAD TRIP.
7. How Lane Got Her Groove Back.
In this story, she files a separation from Zach, leaves him and the twins behind, and tries to make it in LA on her own, A Doll's House style. She also commits to dying her hair purple this time around. Bless.
8. Kirk: Origins.
Finally, we get to learn how he's able to hold every job in town.
Images: CW; Giphy (8)