A moment of silence, please, for this news: According to Us Weekly, Christina Aguilera will not return to The Voice for Season 9. At the very least, the judges who are returning are all great — Blake Shelton, Adam Levine, Pharrell Williams, and Gwen Stefani are in for Season 9 — but, still, Aguilera not being part of Season 9 of The Voice means less of her in my weekly life, and that is just not cool.
As expected, there is a lot of speculation about why Aguilera is not returning for Season 9 — does it mean a new album? Was she feeling left out of Levine and Shelton's bromance? For now, nothing is for certain (although, prayer circle for that new album theory, PLEASE) — but, whatever the reason is, one thing is for sure: her absence will leave millions of fans devastated and grief-stricken. (And, no, I’m not overstating anything here.)
So, what will fans do without Aguilera taking
up her red throne at the judge's table during Season 9? Cope, hopefully. But, just in case the
loss is too much, there are a few things fans can do to deal with the lack of
Aguilera in their lives. After all, Xtina would want you to be happy — or to at
least "Dirrty" dance your little heart out until you are.
1. Marathon All Of Season 8 Of The Voice.
Prove your devotion to the fandom by watching the entire season all over
again — in your sweatpants, of course, with your Rock Band mic by your side for
2. Throw A Burlesque Party.
Because that movie never got the attention it deserved, and
feather boas are the best.
3. Have A Private Dance Party To All Of Her Albums.
Preferably in your kitchen, and with the lights out so your
neighbors can’t see your embarrassing John Travolta impression.
4. Go Platinum.
Blonde, that is! To show your solidarity, obvz.
5. Dig Up Her Old Episodes Of The Mickey Mouse Club.
One request: If you do, could you invite me over? I want to relive my childhood too, please.
6. Recruit Your Three Best Friends And Learn The Lady Marmalade Dance.
You must crimp your hair before memorizing the choreography, for
7. Sit Alone In Your Apartment, Listening To “Beautiful,” And Cry Yourself To Sleep
When all else fails, just give into the pain — you'll feel a lot better afterwards, and probably more able to come to terms with the fact that, despite Aguilera's absence, The Voice Season 9 will be great with Levine, Shelton, Pharrell, and Stefani on board.
Image: Giphy (7)