Because the Internet loves quizzes, there's been yet another one making its way around Facebook recently — but rather than telling you which Mean Girls character you are or what kind of person you were in a past life, this quiz tells you who your true soulmate is. Or at least, that's what it would like us to think; naturally, it's all bunk, but just for good measure, I tried it out so you don't have to. For science. Or… something.
Although the soulmate finder is hosted on the website CaptainQuizz, calling it a “quiz” actually isn't terribly accurate. There are no questions to answer or problems to solve; all it asks you to do is connect it with your Facebook account. After you've given it permission to access your innermost secrets — er, I mean your Facebook profile — it will carefully comb through your entire social media history and determine who of your friends is meant to be your beloved bae. Simple, right?
If you're wary about giving a third party access to your Facebook profile — and I would understand it if you are — then here. Allow me to demonstrate exactly what happens when you grant it the permissions it needs to find your match.
1. The Introduction
Who are you? Who, who? Who, who?
2. Permission Granted
I'll almost certainly go and uninstall the app after I'm finished with this whole experiment.
3. The Results
I have badly Photoshopped this image to protect the identity of the person who is apparently the other half of my OTP. I may be A-OK putting myself all over the Internet, but my friends and family didn't sign up for that; so, out of respect for their privacy, I have cleverly disguised my alleged “soulmate” by dressing them up as my cat.
Unfortunately, though, I have bad news for my boyfriend: He's not my soulmate, according to CaptainQuizz. One of my best friends from college is — but hey, I suppose “soulmate” doesn't necessarily have to mean “romantic partner,” right?
Of course, the big flaw with how this whole “who's your soulmate?” engine works is this: Who you communicate with the most on Facebook may or may not actually be the people you're closest with in real life. My college friend and I definitely are close and we do frequently share neat things with each other on Facebook, so in this case, the app was relatively accurate; if, however, it was supposed to identify my actual partner as my soulmate, it suffered a crushing defeat. Why? For the sole reason that my SO and I have never been the type of couple to post about our relationship on social media all time — or even to use it as a major method of communication.
Why not? We just… don't really have a reason to. We've lived together for a few years, so anything we might say to each other via Facebook, we'll typically just, y'know, say to each other face-to-face. Furthermore, if we need to get a hold of each other when we're not in the same location, we'll call, text, or email instead of Facebooking it. I don't know about him, but as far as I'm concerned, my Facebook friends don't need to have messages like, “Hey, can you stop at the store and grab some milk on your way home?” clogging their feeds.
But even when we were in what I call a “middle-distance relationship” — we didn't live far enough away from each other to necessitate regular air travel, but we were far enough away that any visit had to be an overnight one — we still didn't really use Facebook to communicate that much as a couple. I suspect this has something to do with the fact that neither one of us had any pre-existing habits of posting frequently in the first place (for years, it was a weird point of pride for me that none of the photos of me on Facebook were ones that I had uploaded myself). Social media may be ubiquitous these days, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're all glued to it all the time; indeed, there are even still people in the world who aren't on Facebook at all. I know, I know — it sounds impossible, but I assure you, it's true.
But maybe I'm overthinking it all. I mean, we are talking about a random piece of script, after all; I doubt anyone who uses it is actually expecting it to reveal the person they're destined to be with for all eternity. Regardless as to whether or not you actually believe in soulmates in the first place, the soulmate quiz is ultimately the same thing all those other wacky little personality tests (or at least, the ones not based on actual personality inventories) on the Internet are: A fun way to waste a few seconds — nothing more, nothing less.
Want to pretend to find out who your soulmate is? Here you go. Have fun!