Exes Hook Each Other Up To Lie Detectors

There are a lot of things I don't feel compelled to do in my life. They aren't essential to my own personal fulfillment. They include: real-life Mario Kart racing, dying armpit hair, and—perhaps most fiercely loathsome of all—hooking up to a lie detector with an ex. That plain sounds like a horrible, god-awful, downright bad idea. On many levels.

As a general rule, when I break up with someone, we don't stay friends. Of course there are special, rare circumstances in which befriending an ex can work and work well, but that almost never happens in a healthy way. Bringing up old blood and an ugly past (remember, you broke up) on camera while attached to a lie detector sounds like a freaking nightmare to me. Am I 98% positive that one boyfriend I moved to a brand new city and lived with cheated on me? Oh, totally. Do I need to know for sure, years later, states away, and currently cozy in a healthy relationship? No. Freaking. Way. Yet, some people are masochists for returning to uncomfortable or toxic situations. Or maybe they have more willpower than I do. Anyway. Elite Daily wrangled a gaggle of former flames to partake in a little Q&A while hooked to a polygraph machine. Let's allow the discomfort to take the shape of a hat:

That's about right. I don't know, guys. I don't see the payoff on knowing further details about the past, especially if those details can effectively harm you. Let this post also serve as a public announcement to all exes of mine: If you cheated on me ever, I don't need to know. Conversely: If you wish you didn't screw things up while we were together, I still don't need to know. Guh. Let's see how this sh*t show plays out below:

So this video suggests way more people visit Morton's Steakhouse outside their relationships then I'd like to think. I can't even decide if all the physical infidelity confessions are better or worse than the exes proclaiming remaining, possibly undying love for their past partners. No, nope, no thank you.

Right off the bat I can think of a few activities more appealing then even sitting in the same room as many of my exes, let alone forced to dissect the past in public while hooked up to a lie detector. They include:

Staring at the sun without sunglasses

And I say this hailing from Atlanta, where the sun burns arguably brighter than other locations.

Listening to only Hanson for a whole month

...actually sounds OK, TBH.

Pokémon themed porn

Literally anything—ANYTHING—else sounds better than this. I chose this extreme example to highlight how incredibly tragic of an idea it is.

Images: YouTube(2); Giphy(3)