When I told my brother where I was working this summer, and explained to him what an online magazine really does, he responded, "So you're going to be writing stories like,'15 Cats That Can't Even Right Now'?" And of course, I said no, I was going to be writing about feminism and science and food and love. Don't get me wrong — I do write about all those things... but apparently I spoke too soon, because here I am, writing about cats. But you guys? These kittens are doing activities for the first time, and they're adorable. Just, you know... deal with that for a moment.
I actually have a complicated personal relationship with cats. In the interest of full disclosure, and at the risk of alienating the entire Interwebs, I should say that I'm not technically a cat person. First of all, I can't really be around cats without the judicious use of Benadryl (because my immune system isn't a cat person either, I guess), but even when I'm all 'dryl'd up I don't really love being around them. It's weird, because the hard-to-get, aloof, "I don't care if you stay and pet me or go" thing is really attractive to me in men, but not so much in household pets.
However, while I don't love cats in reality, I find them to be exquisite as decorative items on clothing. I'm not joking — I have at least three cat shirts (my roommate just gave me a "check meow't" shirt for my birthday because she gets me on a fundamental level), a cat sweatshirt, a dress with cats all over it, and two pairs of shoes — yes, two — with cat faces on them. I can dress the part of a cat person like it's nobody's business, but if you actually bring your cat over to my apartment (or don't tell me there's going to be one at yours), I'm going to feel some type of way about it for sure.
So: Back to this video. To me, cat videos fall in the same category as cat clothing — they're endearing, adorable, and not likely to require Benadryl or leave me scratched up. And this cat video is especially great, because it's of kittens doing new things, and it makes your heart do that thing where it gets melty, and it's like, SOS where did my heart go, all I have left is this puddle of heart goo?
Here are some highlights, along with what I assume the kittens are thinking. They're bound to be having some pretty deep thoughts about all this newness, right? Scroll down to watch the full video!
1. Kittens Try Lemons For the First Time
"It's pretty, but sour... it's like me in fruit form!"
2. Kittens Play With Yarn For the First Time
"What is this sorcery?!"
3. Kittens See Bubbles For the First Time
"Shiny, holographic spheres of rainbow..."
"...They must be poison. Evacuate immediately."
4. Kittens Do a Puzzle For the First Time
"This looks like a broken up image of my stunning visage. Quite puzzling indeed!" (Note: I don't know why I imagine kittens thinking in the voices of rich, English courtiers, but for some reason, I do.)
5. Kittens Skip Yoga For the First Time
"Truly, if they wanted us to attend, they would not have been so rude as to name it 'downward dog.'"
6. Kittens Do Their Taxes For the First Time
"Martha? Have you seen my W-2?" Also, these kittens definitely have a better handle on how to do taxes than I do.
7. Kittens Play Beer Pong For the First Time
"Frat party? More like CAT PARTY amirite."
8. Kittens Play With Cars For the First Time
"I am an actual giant."
9. Kittens Rave For the First Time
"I've found Molly."
10. Kittens Sit In Tea Cups For the First Time
"Rent in this city is so damn expensive, you have no idea how much I pay for my tiny teacup apartment."
Watch the whole video here because, let's be real: You're not not going to watch it. Because, I mean... kittens.
Images: Four Doxn/Flickr; BuzzFeedVideo/ YouTube (10)