After the season five finale of Game of Thrones, I spent the better part of the evening weeping in my bathrobe. I'm not sure why Jon Snow's death hit me so hard. After all, A Song of Ice and Fire writer George R. R. Martin has always gleefully impressed upon us that no one is safe in the world of Westeros. The series has also followed that sentiment, and "All Men Must Die" is pretty much the theme for the show. At the close of the fifth season of Game of Thrones, 61 major deaths have occurred in the fictional realm of Westeros. Once I pulled myself together after witnessing Ollie and the other traitorous Night's Watchmen murder their Lord Commander, I became rather enraged. Jon Snow deserved so much better than a pathetic stabbing.
Out of the 61 deaths on the series, many of the characters died in gloriously poetic ways. From poisonings, beheadings and epic falls, the citizens of Westeros have met with some pretty unsightly ends. With that being said, I'm convinced that Jon Snow isn't really dead. Maybe his Targaryen blood that will save him, or he'll come back as a White Walker. All I know is that we have absolutely not seen the last of of him.
Until we actually determine what his fate is, here are 16 deaths from Game of Thrones that were way more interesting than Jon Snow's.
1. Viserys Targaryen
Cause of Death: During the first season of Game of Thrones, the glorious Khal Drogo poured molten gold on Viserys' head after he threatened his sister Daenerys.
Viserys was disgusting, and, after he essentially pimped out his little sister, his death was well deserved.
2. Ned Stark
Cause of Death: At the end of the first season, Ned falsely confesses to treason in order to save his daughters, Arya and Sansa. Despite all of this, King Joffrey orders his execution, and Ser Iilyn Payne beheads him.
His death was probably one of the most traumatic of the entire series, but at least it was regal and whatnot.
3. Renly Baratheon
Cause of Death: Renly never even stood a chance. During the second season, his older brother Stannis had him murdered with the use of Melisandre's black magic. Well, with a smoke monster that Melisandre birthed from her magic vagina.
Talk about an unfair fight.
Cause of Death: OK, so Craster's death wasn't terribly memorable. He was stabbed to death by a Night's Watchmen during the third season.
However, his death was thrilling because that he could no longer terrorize his daughter-wives.
5. Kraznys mo Nakloz
Cause of Death: In the third season of the series, we meet Kraznys, a slave trader in Slaver's Bay. He is also a disgusting misogynist who insults Daenerys and tries to steal her unsullied. In retaliation, she had one of her dragons burn him alive.
It was a rather pleasing sight.
6. Talisa Stark
Cause of Death: Before "The Red Wedding," during the third season of Game of Thrones, I thought I was pretty immune to the gory deaths on the show. I was dead wrong. During this awful episode, Robb Stark, his wife Talisa, and his mother Catelyn, are all murdered. Talisa's death was especially horrific because she was stabbed to death in her pregnant stomach while Robb was forced to look on.
7. Cateyln Stark
Cause of Death: After watching her son and daughter-in-law get murdered in cold blood at "The Red Wedding," Catelyn has her throat slit by Black River Waters.
This is one of the episodes of the series that I will never watch again.
8. Joffrey Baratheon
Cause of Death: Sometimes weddings are red, and other times they are purple. Joffrey Baratheon is possibly one of the most vile and villainous characters in television history. He was a sadistic psychopath, and no one was more thrilled than I was to witness his demise. During the fourth season, he is murdered at his own wedding by poison.
9. Lysa Arryn
Cause of Death: I should feel bad for Lysa because she was obviously mentally unstable, and she was Catelyn Stark's sister. However, she was very cruel to Sansa, so I can't be bothered to care about her death. After being manipulated by Little Finger throughout the entire series, he finally pushes her out of the Moon Door, aka the giant hole in the floor of her sky castle.
10. Oberyn Martell
Cause of Death: Oberyn was not supposed to die! He was suppose to defend Tyrion Lannister and avenge his sister's death. Instead, he got cocky, and the Mountain crushed his skull like a grape during a trial by combat in the fourth season.
Cause of Death: Ygritte and Jon should have stayed in their love cave, and then none of this would have happened. She was shot with an arrow by Ollie during the Battle of Castle Black in Season 4. At least she and Jon got to see each other one last time before he held her in his arms as she died.
12. Tywin Lannister
Cause of Death: Tywin got the end that he deserved. His son Tyrion (our favorite Lannister) shoots him with a crossbow while he's sitting on the toilet in Season 4. Tywin should have been a better father and overall human being.
13. Janos Slynt
Cause of Death: Ned Stark always told his sons that "the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword." Jon Snow takes this to heart after he becomes Lord Commander of the Night's Watch during the fifth season of the series. He beheads Janos Slynt for insubordination, and gains the respect of the Night's Watchmen.
Cause of Death: During the fifth season, Wilding Karsi is mauled by the army of the dead at Hardhome after successfully sending her own children to the The Wall. She's not actually dead though, because she is resurrected by the Night's King as a wight.
15. Shireen Baratheon
Cause of Death: Melisandre convinces Stannis that his daughter, Shireen, needs to be sacrificed so that he can take the Iron Throne. Melisandre burns the poor girl alive. It was horrific.
At least Stannis is dead now, too.
Cause of Death: Ugh, Myranda was the worst. She was Ramsay Snow's toy, and she got pleasure from torturing Sansa. When she threatens Sansa with a crossbow during the fifth season, Reek throws her to her death.
And look, with all these various ways that one can die in Westeros, Jon Snow's cause of death no longer seems worthy. In fact, his death was pretty lame, even compared to Myranda. Myranda, you guys.
He has to be alive — if only so he can get the kind of final scene a great character like him actually deserves.