Hey, I've got a little riddle for you: what's the opposite of Justin Bieber? I'd accept the phrase "fiscally responsible adult human," but as it turns out, the actual answer is Rihanna, and I'll tell you why. She was out at the club 1Oak in Los Angeles on June 27, having herself a very normal popstar Saturday night. Y'know, we're talking talking Rihanna popping bottles, Rihanna dancing... and Rihanna adopting a puppy that she found in the club's bathroom. Oh sorry, is it not normal for a famous person — or anyone, really — to go out to a club at the beginning of the night and come home with a literal puppy that you found and then subsequently adopted? My bad. I guess I got so used to Bieber doing it the other way around and ditching his pets the first place he can think of, whether it's at an airport, with a trainer, or in the arms of a fan, that I figured it went both ways.
But it doesn't! And I'm super proud of Rihanna for doing the right thing when she discovered an adorable little slobber monster abandoned in the bathroom. The dog ran up to her, and she was so taken with him that she completely changed her night (and her life!) to give him a good home. In the words of Rihanna's friend: "She literally just went to the club, came back with the cage, wee-wee pads, food, and a fucking dog!"
So far, Rihanna seems to be calling him Pepe, which means he's a boy and I don't get to use any of the "Bitch Better Have My Money" jokes that I had waiting in the wings. But if that's all I have to sacrifice for little Pepe to have a good home, I'm fine with that.
Let's all just take another moment to be thankful that it was Rihanna who found this dog and not Justin Bieber, otherwise I suspect I'd be writing a very different post right now. Maybe one with the title "Justin Bieber Mistakes Dog For Bathroom Attendant, Complains That It Peed On His Shoe".