'Homeland': Brody's back, Dana cries, and schemes are hatched to bring down Iran

In this week's action-packed episode of Homeland , Brody leaves his drug-addicted exile in Caracas and comes back to the United States. Carrie and Brody share a few forlorn glances, but there's no hanky-panky. And Saul does what he does best these days: The man comes up with fantastical plans for making the world a safer place, one dead boy at a time. But who was the most melodramatic character this week? Let's tally things up:

This week's Melodrama Quotient:

  • Carrie wakes up in the Naval hospital. Nothing seriously damaged. (Carrie +5)
  • Carrie on Quinn: "He's just a great shot." (Quinn +10)
  • Carrie is still pregnant! 13 weeks! "Your baby should be fine, in case you're wondering," says the doctor. (Carrie +20)
  • They are trying to move Brody, and he's thrashing around. (Brody +10)
  • Saul's cooking up some more plans before Lockhart takes over. "[Brody]'s not what we expected, but he's what we got." All Saul does it cook up plans. (Saul +10)
  • Brody is a junkie who is anemic, malnourished, and probably has Hep C. Maybe even HIV. And he has to get off without Methadone. (Brody +50)
  • The doctor is just sitting around with a magazine watching Brody writhe around. (Doctor +10)
  • Lockhart shows up at Carrie's bedside, letting her know there are two guards outside. "I'm on painkillers. I can barely understand anything that you're saying," she says. (Carrie +50)
  • Lockhart to Carrie: "You need someone you can trust … The man who did this to you, is on his way out." Trying to turn Carrie, stealth. (Lockhart +20)
  • Carrie didn't know about Caracas. (Carrie +10)
  • Brody screaming, "It's burning!" when he showers. (Brody +50)
  • Carrie's getting-around-the-CIA crew is in Saul's house. What are they doing to Saul? (Saul +10)
  • Brody is going nuts and singing the Marines song and talking to himself. Make this stop. His eyes are so red. They're like beetles. (Brody +200)
  • Brody breaks a chair and tries to stab himself through in the arm and not the chest. Does that mean he has really lost it if he doesn't know where to aim? (Brody +500)
  • Brody: "Why couldn't you just leave me there to die?" Saul: "Wasn't an option." What are they planning? The really oblique references are not kind. (Brody +100, Saul +100)
  • Saul: "We both know what you've done." But there could be a way out! "The man you were, before they broke you." (Saul +100)
  • They drop Brody into some water and he refuses to swim. Then, he refuses to eat. (Brody +500)
  • Carrie and Saul are talking. Is it all a dream? Is Saul back? How can you tell anymore? (Carrie +100)
  • Is Brody really in Virginia, Saul? (Saul +200)
  • Saul is trying to take down the head of Iran's Revolutionary Guard by having Brody shoot him. And then having Javadi move up in command. What?! (Saul +400)
  • And Carrie agrees to help convince Brody?! How is that baby daddy doing? (Carrie +100)
  • He turns his back on her. All the feels. All the feels. (Brody +50, Carrie +200)
  • "Fucking CIA … what are you asking her questions for?" (Carrie +50)
  • Mira's boyfriend… is an Israeli intelligence officer! Oh, the smooth moves of a good-looking man. (Mira +20)
  • And the intelligence officer is meeting with Lockhart! (Lockhart +100)
  • Brody sees Dana as a hotel maid and freaking out. Extra points for that head butt. (Brody +400)
  • Dana is a maid in a cheap hotel. Taupe is not her color. (Dana +100)
  • Brody looks like Voldemort. Voldemort is running and falls down. This just looks pathetic now. (Brody +200)
  • This is a training montage. This is a Brody training montage. (Brody +300)
  • "Dana. It's me. It's your dad." Why would they let her anywhere near her? Poor girl. This is clearly a hug-free zone. (Dana +200, Brody +100)
  • "Whatever it is, I'll say it to you as long as you promise that I'll never have to see you again." Daw. Dana's feels. (Dana +300)
  • "I'll come back from Tehran, and not just for her." Brody, ever the romantic. (Brody +200)
  • Carrie and Saul lost trust in each other. Sad things. (Carrie +10, Saul +10)
  • Stoic glances. The new "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her"? (Brody +20, Carrie +20)

And this week's winner is Brody! Making his long-awaited return to Homeland, complete with crazy eyes, crazy screams, and crazy head butting.