9 Ways You Might Be Sabotaging Your Own Sex Life

Feeling like things in the bedroom aren't going quite the way you'd like them to lately? Like, no matter what you do, your lady boner just can't ... get there? Whether your sex life is bad, boring, or infrequent, feeling unsatisfied can leave you constantly wondering if you're doing something wrong. It turns out that the solution might be an easier fix than you think, once you know how sneaky things affect you. Apparently, certain behaviors can actually ruin your sex life. Yikes. So how can you fix these bad habits?

First and foremost, you need to remember that you are a fierce, fabulous, independent person, and you deserve to have as much fantastic sex as your heart desires. Got that? Next, you need to be be open and honest, and adjust your thinking and expectations to make sure your brain is in sync with your body — both need to be on board for any sort of great sex to occur. Why do you think they call it "mind-blowing"? Finally, you gotta get yourself in fighting shape. Maybe test out this customizable vibrator to get your head in the game. It couldn't hurt, right?

Take a look at these common mistakes you may be making that sabotage your own sex life, and what you can do to fix them.

1. Lacking Confidence In Bed

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times: Confidence is sexy. You already know your partner is attracted to you (they are, after all, having sex with you), so get out of your own head and enjoy yourself! Worrying about how your boobs look, or if your four-week-old wax is still an acceptable excuse for “grooming," is going to ruin the experience for the both of you. Channel your inner Rihanna and do you.

2. Thinking It's OK Not To Orgasm

While orgasming isn't necessarily the most important part of having sex, it's definitely one of the most fun parts. It’s easy to get so caught up in making sure your partner finishes that you forget to look out for #1, especially when sleeping with someone new. While it may not happen every time (certain behaviors can actually sabotage your orgasm) you should, at the very least, try to let yourself get there. You deserve it.

3. Sleeping With The Wrong People

Sex in general is better with someone who you actually like and who likes you back — and even more importantly, someone who respects you and your body. Remember how hot the Noah and Ali sex scene was in The Notebook? It's called chemistry, people. Casual sex can absolutely be fun, but only if its done with the right person and under the right circumstances. Sleeping with people who tend to make you feel bad about yourself can destroy your self-esteem and turn you off completely.

4. Being Afraid To Ask For What You Want

Like I was saying, confidence is sexy in and of itself. And being confident enough to actually ask for what you want in bed is going to make any sexual experience a heck of a lot more fun. Your partner (unfortunately) can’t read your mind, so a little vocal encouragement can go a long way.

5. Behaving Badly In The Bedroom

For most couples, the bedroom is where the magic most often happens (unless you’re trying to compete with these adventurous Bustle readers, in which case, all power to ya!). According to a British study, women’s peak sexual time is between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m., so it’s important to keep your time in the bedroom as romantically inclined as possible.

Allowing electronics in bed, such as cell phones, laptops, and even TV, can be distracting and ultimately kill the sexy bedtime vibes. Being too comfortable in the bedroom — doing things like wearing a ratty T-shirt and a pair of boxers all the time, or using the bathroom with the door open, á la Leslie Mann’s character in This is 40 — can really make it difficult to get in the mood. Every once in a while, dress for sex if you feel like trying something new, and do your best to keep a little bit of the mystery alive

6. Not Masturbating Enough

Do yourself a favor and give your lady bits a little love, and often. It’s important to figure out what you like on your own, so that you can show your partner exactly what you need to make it to the finish line when your solo act becomes a duet.

7. Being Afraid To Try Something New

When you know what works for you and your erogenous zones, it's easy to fall into a sex routine. But that can be so, so boring. Being willing to try something new — whether it's as simple as a new position or as adventurous as the Fifty Shades of Grey "Red Room" — is the only way to get yourself out of a rut. Cue the handcuffs and whipped cream.

8. Not Taking Care Of Yourself

The best way to maintain a great sex life? Take care of yourself. Your body is beautiful, no matter what shape or size you are, but studies show that eating eating healthy and exercising are incredibly important in keeping your libido alive, especially in the hours leading up to sex.

9. Not Being Safe

Nothing says “Goodbye, sex life” like a Chlamydia scare. Do yourself a favor and play it safe, for everyone's sake.

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