I've had every nail shape there is. Square. Squoval. Almond. Coffin. You name it and I've filed my digits into submission. And I haven't hated any of them, save one: stiletto nails. As an admitted nail art Instagram addict (seriously, I follow like 6k nail artists...someone help me!) I've seen stiletto nails go from a once-in-a-while thing to an every-other-pic thing. Sometimes they look cool. Sometimes they look like stars in a horror movie where birds of prey use their talons to exact revenge on people who poison the environment with improperly-disposed-of nail polish.
But when you're on the fence about something, there's really only way to form an educated opinion. You have to jump in. In other words — don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. At least that's my motto. So I gathered up my crystal nail files and went to work transforming my respectably long squovals into stiletto points of doom. As soon as I shaped the first nail, I knew I was in trouble, but since it was (kind of) for science, I pushed on.
Once I shaped them, I vowed to wear them for at least a week to give them a fair shot. It was a long and terrible week. Let me tell you from experience: Stiletto nails are the worst. Here are the five top reasons why you should never get stiletto nails so you can learn from my nail fail.
1. They're Dangerous
The week I wore stiletto nails, I had one thing and one thing only on my mind: avoiding blindness. I don't just say this to be funny. Every time my hands came near my face, I winced in fear of spearing through my glasses and accidentally scooping out my own eyeballs. I scratched myself in the face like an infant. I put a hole in my favorite leggings. And I'm not going to discuss what a hazard they are during sexy times, but I'm sure you can use your imagination.
2. They're A Waste Of Good Side Nail
Forget side boob. Side nail is where it's at. And unless you're faking it with acrylics or gels, stiletto nails require you to file off a significant portion of that precious growth. Do you know how many soda cans I couldn't open by myself in order to get that side nail? It hurts my heart just thinking about it.
3. They Break
Pointy tips don't stay pointy long. Think of them like freshly sharpened pencils. I had my stiletto nails for 3 measly days before one of my points broke. So many expletives!
4. People Will Be Mean To You
The second worst thing about wearing stiletto nails (the first being constant fear of blindness) is the way everyone twisted their faces when they saw them. For something that's so popular on Instagram, people sure do have an extreme and primal reaction to seeing these things in person. Of course, you should never change something you love doing just because someone else disapproves, but still — it was not a fun experience.
5. They Won't Be Here For Long Anyway
According to Cosmopolitan, 2015 will see the swan song of extreme nail shapes. More natural looks that flow with the shape of your cuticles will dominate.
Images: aleja_santiago/Instagram; Giphy (5)