On a scale of one to Elsa just pierced your heart with an icy blast and you’re way too single for ~true love~ to save you, how cold is your office right now? The fact is, we give this season a bad rap for being hot AF, when the truth is there is nothing quite as brutal as your freezing office in the summer. I straight up kept a Snuggie at my desk one year, and that shiz is Star Trek themed. (Pro tip: You don’t know fear until you are staring your boss straight in the eye wrapped like a burrito emblazoned with the Starfleet logo so many times that it would make Spock open an air lock and let himself get sucked out into space.)
But enough of that geeky universe — let’s get back to Frozen. Because yes, it may be 2015, but no, I’m not done freaking out over this movie yet, Mom. Especially since every office worker in America is living the slightly duller, live action version of it this summer, right at their very own desks. There is an Elsa in every office, rigging the thermostat for their own icy purposes. I’m not going to pretend to know why—Are you freezing organs in there, thermostat tamperers?—but I do know very well the physical, emotional, and Disney gif-ical consequences of their actions. Here, my friends, are the emotional stages of freezing to death in your office this summer, as told by Frozen gifs:
When you're still sweating from the street and walk into your building's icy wind blast
Let me just marinate in this salty, sticky...ice on my body.
When you realize you forgot to pack your sweater
Surprise! You're fifty shades of doomed.
... And then you realize you also wore shorts/a skirt/a dress
AC game is Too Strong.
When your co-worker tells you it’s “not that cold”
HOPE ALL THAT ~WARMTH~ CAN FIX YOUR FACE, BUDDY.
When you stumble on your friend’s Instagram from Hawaii as you’re phone scrolling during a pee
There is a world beyond this frozen hell.
When you accidentally walk right under the AC vent on your way to the break room
AHHH!! AHHH!! AHHH! Phewph.
When you stand with your frozen hands under the hot water faucet in the bathroom your work BFF thinks you’ve died
Just six more minutes I'll BE RIGHT THERE, GEEZ.
When you see that one mofo who has no sh*ts left to give carting out their giant Snuggie
All hail the Snuggie monster.
When you see a scarier mofo wearing short sleeves and sandals
What is your secret, you blessed barbarian, you?!?
When you randomly shudder at your desk like a serial killer right as someone is walking a VIP through
W-w-w-welcome to the office, stranger I was supposed to help impress.
When you finally confront the person you think keeps lowering the AC
And all my organs are shutting down, NBD.
When you figure out the building actually controls the AC
THIS IS WHERE WE DIE, THEN. It has been an honor to work with all of you.
When your co-worker lends you their sweater because you look that pathetic
This is the only person you want to save in a zombie apocalypse. Forget everyone else.
When you finally get back to your apartment and your roommate has the AC on at a reasonable human temperature
*sheds one beautiful perfect tear*
Good luck, everyone. Only a bajillion more days until Outdoor Winter and Indoor Summer begins.
Images: Disney; Giphy(14)