6 Reasons To Hate Shorts, Even In The Summer, Because No One Likes A Perpetual Wedgie
Even though they seem like the perfect clothing item for summer, there are many real reasons to hate shorts. Before all you shorts-lovers of the world start fighting me, let me tell you what I mean. I admit that the idea of throwing on a pair of shorts and not having to sweat my life away seems like it would be very refreshing. In theory, I love that shorts are sort of in-between pants and skirts, and that they typically have pockets and let my legs see the light of day. But beyond that, they do no more than cause misery.
As soon as I step out in shorts, I feel my thighs sticking to the fabric. I start to feel like a huge baby whose oversized diaper has created a horrible wedgie. I'm self-conscious about my leg hairs standing up because I was too lazy to shave that morning. While I realize these are all #FirstWorldProbz, they're no less frustrating in the (literal) heat of the moment.
To relate to everyone else who despises shorts and to offer shorts-lovers an explanation of why their garment of choice is the worst, here are six reasons why it's perfectly reasonable to hate shorts, even in the summertime. Seriously, no one wants a perpetual wedgie.
1. They Stick To Your Thighs
Shorts are generally tight, small items of clothing, so they're going to stick to your thighs. When the temperature is in the 90s and the humidity is in the 80-90 percent range, you can expect some perspiration. If you are one of the brave souls who's chosen to wear a pair of shorts this time of year, be prepared to stick your thumb between the fabric and your leg all day, unless you want your shorts to stick to your thighs for the rest of time.
2. You Feel Pressure To Shave
I know women don't have to shave, but I tend to prefer the look and feel of my smooth legs to my fuzzy ones. Considering I'm generally too lazy to actually shave, however, shorts are usually not an option unless I want to feel self-conscious all day. I'm willing to bet that for many women, leg hair is also a major factor here. Summer is supposed to be about relaxation, rejuvenation, and overall calmness, after all. If you're too busy thinking about dry shaving just so you can wear a pair of shorts, you're hardly going to feel calm.
3. Mosquitoes Can (And Will) Attack
Mosquitoes are ruthless in the summer, so any patch of skin you decide to show outdoors is fair game for those pesky little creatures. I absolutely hate mosquitoes and their bites that seem to last for weeks. While there are repellents you can buy at your local drugstore, the easiest way to avoid getting bitten, IMO, is by wearing longer, thicker clothes. Shorts might be ideal for those relentless mosquitoes, but they're only bad news for us.
4. They Ride Up On Subways, When Walking, Etc.
No matter what kind of shorts you're wearing, chances are they are going to ride up. Those babies are inevitably going to work their way up your body and show off half of your butt. While that may have been the cool look in high school, revealing your assets on the subway, when walking down the street, or when at the grocery store is never a cute look. You know what else is not cute? Pulling them down every five steps.
5. They Cause Perpetual Wedgies
And you thought thongs were bad. They're nothing compared to having your actual clothes ride up your backside, creating a major wedgie for everyone around you to witness. A denim wedgie will make you far more uncomfortable than a cotton panty, so beware.
6. They Can Make You Look Pants-less
All of my shirts are pretty long. They typically hit right at my crotch and fall at the widest part of my bum. Whenever I do wear shorts I feel like I'm walking around pants-less. Call me crazy, but not being able to see my trousers because my shirt's too long just isn't my favorite look.
If you ask me, pants-less-ness should be socially acceptable. But until it is, I'd rather wear actual pants than itty bits of fabric that won't leave my butt crack alone.