10 Gross Things Men Deal With During Sex, Because Penis Rug Burn Happens — And It Hurts Like Hell

Sex as a concept is a beautiful thing. But there are many things that can go wrong during intercourse, and the results can be, for lack of a better word, gross. This goes for all kinds of sex – straight, gay, bad, funny, good, awkward, etc. ­– and can be an issue for both genders. This article, however, speaks on the gross things that men deal with during sex. While women may be more likely to discuss such sexual atrocities as gag reflexes, missing condoms, and delayed semen leakage (sorry), this is an opportunity for men to discuss the topic. And, personally speaking, I think men are definitely more disgusting than women, and therefore probably do more gross things.

Before I get into it, though, it’s important to mention that none of the instances below, like period sex or putting your teeth on a boner, will deter most men from sex with you. Just like how when awkward things happen to women in the bedroom, it doesn't mean they never want to have sex again. In fact, some guys might get turned on by some of these things ­­– so please don’t stop having sex with us, OK?

1. Ball Shaving

Doesn’t sound too gross, does it? But believe it or not, shaving the twins is a horrifying prospect for a man. Almost every dude in his early years of pube-trimming has experienced something of a mishap – some minor, others major. Mine, for instance, involved clippers (without a shave guard; my mistake) and resulted in a pool of blood on the bathroom floor. The cut was small, but the amount of blood made it look as though I’d completely severed my scrotum.

2. Ass Waxing

Not a lot of guys will go to this far while grooming, but some certainly do. And if you’re somebody who’s unafraid to venture toward the derriere, you may have witnessed how men can be quite hairy in that area. So waxing it is no treat. I can’t speak from experience, but based on what I’ve heard about waxing, doing it to the butt crack must be godawful.

3. Finger Foreplay Injuries

Fingering is no easy feat during foreplay. And the resulting pain is not so much gross as it is grossly unfair. Without fail, it always seems that the closer a man is to getting his lady to climax, the more likely he has to call it quits because his hand and/or wrist is in agony. Add to this the fact that we sometimes remove our hands with a sticky substance stuck to them, which we’ll discretely wipe or wash off after the romp has finished.

4. Rug Burn (On Your Penis)

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The same way your inner thighs burn to all hell during a hike on a warm summer day, a man’s penis is in danger if he's having a shit-ton of sex or entering a woman before she’s properly lubricated. As with most things concerning our genitals, these things hurt much more than less talked-about appendages.

5. Teeth On A Boner

You’ve heard of this and have been taught to never let it happen, but it does. Teeth grating against a penis doesn’t feel good (though some may argue on this matter), and reminds us that you could very easily bite our penises off.

6. Lube Hands

Guys are normally the ones handling lube, since it’s our duty to configure a way in there. And while lube seems to suddenly disappear while it’s being used during sex (after which you’ll have to awkwardly reapply), the stuff seemingly never goes away once you’ve squeezed the slippery serum onto your hands. So you then try to find something to wipe it off on, and ultimately settle on the bed sheets.

7. Unexpected Blood

A good 90 percent of the time that there’s blood during intercourse, it doesn’t belong to the dude. Period sex, when not intended to be period sex, is very scary for a man. As most people know, guys aren’t exactly experts on female anatomy, so if you’re bleeding during intercourse, we'll probably feel as if we’ve done something horribly wrong – like our penis has magically transformed into a sword and we’ve viciously gutted you. Apologies!

8. Finding “Items” In The Vagina

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Sometimes, a vagina can be like a purse, where things are lost but found again when it’s not required or ideal. Meaning that sometimes, a guy will be down there and find something that he wasn’t expecting – a tampon, a miscellaneous crumb of some sort, a stray pube, etc. And these things aren’t exactly gifts.

9. "Breaking" Your Dick

When a penis is bent at an extreme angle toward the base during more aggressive intercourse (usually in a position where the woman is on top), it can be fractured. What happens when a penis is fractured, essentially, is that its outer lining is torn (yeah, torn). The result is terrifying and, yes, very gross.

10. Excrement On Our Wiener

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When having anal sex, the male partner is gambling on the chance that a woman might not have properly cleaned herself after her last rumble with the toilet. That uncleanliness, of course, will then find its way onto a man’s penis. Which is not so sexy.

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Images: icanteachyouhowtodoit/Flickr; Giphy