Everything I know about summer flings, I learned from watching the movie Grease. If Olivia Newton-John is to be trusted, dating in the summer is as easy as meeting the man of your dreams at the beach, spending the entire warm weather season frolicking through the sand, holding hands, making out under the dock, and then promising to still be friends once the cold chill of fall creeps in. If you're lucky, your summer rendezvous may even inspire a song-and-dance number, or two. That's it! So easy! Nothing to worry about! Anyone can do it! It wasn't until I blossomed into a semi-functioning, single, stressed-out, sweaty adult that I realized everything I thought I knew about summer lovin' was, in fact, a lie. You're more likely to go on a drunk Tinder rampage to find "the one" than bump into a handsome stranger with a secret bad boy history at the beach. You'll also most likely be perspiring... heavily.
Of course, I'm not the only person to be led astray by the likes of Sandy and Danny. In the first episode of Bustle's new sex and relationships podcast I Want It That Way , we talked about the unique set of struggles that comes with summer dating — and why people are so eager to seek out flings the second Memorial Day rolls around. What is it about steamy hot weather that makes us crave hot steamy romance? And if we know summer dating isn't like what we see in the movies, then why do we still make it feel like such a big deal?
My point is, of course, that summer lovin' is pretty much one huge letdown. In no specific order, here are the worst things about summer dating.
1. Sweat... so much sweat
A little sweat can actually be kind of sexy... but we're talking about summer here, when there's no such thing as just "a little" sweat. Was boob sweat invited out on your date, too? Because it's there, and it's everywhere, and chances are you're probably sweating other places where you didn't even know sweat could exist. Of course, extreme perspiration is not an instant turn-off, but it does make life a little more, um, slippery.
2. Shaving your legs is annoying
Obviously, you don't have to shave your legs in the summer — or any other part of your body, for that matter. But for those people who do like to maintain a hair-free existence, breaking out the razor before a date can seem like the most exhausting part of your day. You wouldn't go through this effort just to get brunch with your friends, but now that there's a chance that another person will be touching parts of your body for the first time, you want to keep the prickle to a minimum.
3. Cuddling is basically impossible
Eight months out of the year, cuddling with another human is one of the greatest perks to dating. But it's summer, you're hot and sticky, and there is no way in hell you're pressing your body up against another person's body for a prolonged period of time. Nope. Game over.
4. You have ridiculously high expectations
You might be looking for love, but you're also looking to have as much fun as possible this summer. Unfortunately, the thing about reality is that it rarely lives up to expectations, and even though you may have swiped right on someone who you swear is "the one," "the one" will most likely end up being someone you have absolutely nothing in common with other than a tendency to hit up Tinder while slightly inebriated. Which leads me to my next point...
5. Tinder creeps abound
What is it about summer that brings out the worst on Tinder... or any other app and online dating site, for that matter? Make sure you get your creep radar fine-tuned before June rolls around — otherwise who knows who you'll end up with on a date.
6. AC is never a sure thing
Imagine it, if you will: You're on a date with someone you really like. You're having an amazing time, you're getting the check, and you're headed back to their place... only to discover this person doesn't have air conditioning. How are you supposed to work in these conditions? Do you try to tough it out while sitting in a pool (and I mean pool) of your own sweat? Or do you bolt for the door in favor of cooler pastures? I honestly just don't know.
7. Sticky sex
Having sex in the summertime is always kind of a crapshoot... it's either going to be really hot, or like ughgg really hot. Stock up on fluids, make sure you take breaks, and try not to be too freaked out by the noises two sweaty bodies tend to make when they're all over each other. It's not cute, but it's life.
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