“Do Not Disturb” Is Basically The Modern-Day Emo Away Message

Creak. Even though it’s been two decades, I can still hear the rusty sound of a door opening, signaling someone signing onto AIM. As a pre-teen, I would hunch over my family’s dusty desktop computer while ~*~cHaTtInG tO fRiEnDs LiKe ThIs.~*~ We would instant message for hours after school, and it made for the perfect mid-2000s bonding experience.

If I was really lucky, I would also get to talk to one of the boys I liked, aka whoever passed me a note in seventh period lunch. Scoring a crush’s screen name, or SN, was the Y2K equivalent of getting a number at the bar. It was fun to see who would sign onto AIM, and even more fun to say a few awkward words to my latest love interest, but the best part had to be crafting the perfect emo away message.

Typically, an away message was a simple “BRB,” but if you wanted everyone to know you were storming off in a huff, that’s when you’d post pitiful lyrics from Dashboard Confessional or My Chemical Romance. The goal? To let everyone on your friends list know you were experiencing mental anguish and emotional turmoil.

Typically, these heart-wrenching words were directed at a friend after a fight or a crush who hadn’t asked you to winter formal. If they looked at your screen name, the melancholy lyrics would pop up and reveal you were ~*~so sad~*~. Today, it seems like a silly dose of drama from a bygone era, but the same diva energy lives on thanks to Do Not Disturb.

As a millennial who’s deeply nostalgic for the 2000s, I’m not afraid to say I use my iPhone’s DND option as a modern-day emo away message. If I’m in a bad mood or want a friend to know they’ve done me wrong, I’ll tap the “Focus” button so they’ll receive a slightly salty “Carolyn has notifications silenced.” Take that!

On an average day, DND is nothing more than a tool. Since the launch of Focus in 2021, it’s become one of the most professional ways to let people know you’re busy — maybe you’re working, reading, or on a silent walk — but when you use it in the middle of an argument or when someone’s being rude? That’s when it truly packs a punch.

I’m not the only one who sees it this way. Patrice, who works as a consultant, calls DND her “digital sage,” meaning it clears negative energy in an instant. “The Do Not Disturb button is my favorite boundary tool in the world,” she tells Bustle.

“That was the mic drop. No need for a ‘K.’ No final word. Just vibes.”

Recently, she used it on her mother-in-law, who had been arguing with her for hours about vacation plans. “I’d already said what I needed to say, clearly and with punctuation, but [she] kept going. I caught myself mentally drafting a dissertation [in response]… and that’s when I knew it was time to hit Do Not Disturb.”

Just like an emo away message from 2005, it was a purposeful, powerful move meant to send a dramatic message. “That was the mic drop,” she says. “No need for a ‘K.’ No final word. Just vibes.”

As a dramatic device, DND has endless applications. It can silence annoying family members, ice out a flaky Hinge match, or shut down a group chat that’s gone off the rails. Should any of these people reach out, they’ll know you simply can’t be bothered to talk.

At the same time, it lets them know you need a moment of peace. Former AIM fan Lyndsey, who now works as a speaker and author, uses the magic of Do Not Disturb when she wants the world to leave her alone. As a teen, she’d post the angriest Limp Bizkit lyrics she could find to scare people away. Today, she throws up a quick DND.

“It’s kind of like a dog who has a ‘not friendly, do not pet’ sign on,” she tells Bustle. “Except this time, we are choosing to put our own temporary sign on.” Now that AIM is gone, it feels good to use DND as a way to communicate a similar message — and it really does work.

“When someone has on Do Not Disturb, I know to back away slowly,” says Sarah, who works as a teacher. “I sometimes wonder if the person’s OK, but I figure it’s on for a good reason, maybe because they’re tired, stressed, or because they need to cool off.”

Like a perfectly crafted away message, it also prompts Sarah to check in on her friends a few hours later, just to make sure they’re feeling better. When you think about it, isn’t that all you ever really wanted and needed as a teen?

While it might not have the same visual pizazz of a mid-2000s away message — with its moody lyrics and artful yet totally unnecessary asterisks — DND is arguably just as effective. It quite literally cuts contact, blocking the sender’s messages, while simultaneously making you seem sad, distant, and ~poetically ambiguous.~ If that isn’t emo, what is?