Life

The Return Of Rejection Hotlines

Shutting ourselves inside for a year didn’t make the creeps less creepy.

New rejection hotline numbers replace old numbers, like the I Am Groot number.
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As the pandemic lockdowns lift, there’s much to celebrate — grocery shopping without having a panic attack, keeping lipstick on your lips instead of your masks, and having sex for the first time in three years. (Update: I’m hearing New York lockdown only lasted a year. Weird). We’re practically dancing in the streets with the joy of vaccination. And with that renewed social energy come chances to meet people. Time to hit the bars, pools, and parties, and perhaps hit it off with a handsome stranger! Or, as I like to call them, a stranger.

Here’s the bad news: Shutting ourselves inside for a year didn’t make the creeps less creepy. I thought the isolation would give them chances to reflect on themselves, but it seems some of them spent the past 16 months watching Game of Thrones on repeat — and for that, I’ll never forgive Jon Snow. (Yes I will, he’s so hot.) Maybe people are just as creepy as they’ve always been, but I have a lower tolerance for it now. Either way, bars are not the blissful socializing zones I fantasized about during those long winter months. So imagine that, yes, that man wants your number, and yes, he’s asked six times, and yes, he really is wearing Cargo shorts indoors. What do you do?

You’re likely out of shape at saying no to people. It was a long lockdown. So I have a tip for you: Give out a fake number. Or — even better — a rejection hotline.

It’s not nice to give someone a fake number, sure. But if they’re creeping you out in public, they’re violating your boundaries, and you’re allowed to get rid of them. Just make sure you're OK with burning that bridge, because there's no recovering once you give someone a rejection hotline.

These handy digits can also be good for fun, boozy events. Like bachelorette parties. Or scavenger hunts. Just a thought.

Rejection Hotline Numbers For 2021

  • 1-888-447-5594: A secret, Easter egg number for finishing the video game God of War
  • 1-951-262-3062: A recorded message from Santa Claus
  • 1-618-625-8313: A message from Stranger ThingsMurray Bauman
  • 719-26-OATES: The Callin’ Oates hotline, which lets you listen to a Hall & Oates song

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