It doesn't matter how many rose petals or candles you fling around, sex is still a very messy business. There are sounds, smells, fluids, and, quite frankly, a huge amount of potential for things to go wrong during sex. Usually, when something unplanned during sex it's something pretty minor — you slip off, you say something embarrassing, maybe one of you accidentally knees the other one and you have to take a timeout. But just how wrong can sex go?
Well a new AskReddit thread had users sharing some truly shocking sexual horror stories. And it's probably way worse than you're expecting — and way more filled with pets than any group of sex stories should be. Really, why are there so many pets?
From people who's aim was off and had to face the painful consequences to an unexpected visitor making the whole thing really uncomfortable, these sex stories should send shivers down your spine — or, at the very least, make you feel less awkward about the one time that you farted mid-hookup.
Seriously, unless you've ended up in the emergency room, you likely haven't had it as bad as some of the people on this list. Here's what the folks of Reddit had to say about their most embarrassing sex story.
1. This Awkward Moment
I'm not convinced that her cousin would have been a great option either. But the brother is definitely worse.
2. This Definite "OUCH"
I'd like to say we've all been there, but that is just not true. Although, according to the comments, it has happened to other people, too. Be careful, everyone. There are multiple holes and multiple ways to hurt yourself.
3. This Extra Company
Yup — the dog. This Redditor went on to explain that the dog joined while he was going down on this girl and now I don't think I ever want to have sex again.
4. This Painful Mixup
I mean... ouch. But also, kind of hilarious? Right? It certainly gives the term "slapstick" a whole new meaning.
5. This Ocular Encounter
The slap that broke the sound barrier. Apparently, people are just not being safe enough when slapping — it seems to be a recurring theme.
6. This... Banjo?
I have so many questions. Why do they call it a "banjo"? It can rip? Did they ever feel joy or happiness again? This one actually made me feel a little sick to my stomach and I don't even have a penis.
7. The Sharp Error
I have had some intense sex in my time — but I don't think I've ever had sex so intense that I didn't notice shards of glass in my back. That's another level.
8. This Dramatic Rupture
Cyst-havers around the world hear you, sister. It's the worst. Although, this sounds like a particularly bad encounter indeed.
9. This Ill-Timed Game Of Fetch
Read the room, Fido. Read the effing room.
10. This Professional Comedian
I mean, if you walk in on your kid having sex and decide to have fun with it, that must get you up to "cool mom" status, right?
11. This Grand Finale
This one sounds like a doozie.
See, it could be worse. Way worse. A little embarrassing sexual encounter now and again is nothing compared to this list. Be safe, out there.