When you're in a relationship that isn't right for you, your mind may be riddled with all sorts of worries and anxieties. You, for example, might worry that you have to act a certain way in order to make things "work," or try to "say all the right things" so that you don't argue. But if you
found "The One" — aka, someone you can imagine yourself living with happily for a long time — there's a great chance your relationship won't have some of these issues.
That's not to say that you won't have problems.
All couples argue and go through ups and downs. But you will feel secure, supported, and free from the type of drama that you might have experienced with partners who weren't as great.
"Your mind will be free because soulmate relationships are just easy, they flow, and most of all — they make you feel good,"
Keren Eldad, relationship coach and founder of Date with Enthusiasm, tells Bustle. "During conflict, you'll come together instead of falling apart, and when you're with each other you feel elevated. You feel like you can be yourself around your soulmate, and what's less stressful than that?"
Here are a few things experts say you won't have to worry about if your partner is "The One", because you know they've always got your back.
you're in a healthy relationship, spending time apart will never feel like a "thing." Sure, you'll miss each other. But you'll both be able to part ways, enjoy yourselves, and then come back together with stories to tell — all without jealousy, worry, or feelings of codependency.
"A healthy partner ... will trust you and allow you to be yourself, which includes having friends and interests outside of them,"
therapist Bina Bird, MA, LMFT tells Bustle. And vice versa, of course.
It's a sign of an unhealthy relationship if one or both of you is constantly threatening to breakup. So if this is happening often, take note. "If you have a healthy relationship you won't have to worry about your partner threatening to leave you during an argument or conflict," says Bird. "Healthy relationships can handle conflict and healthy partners know that conflict is a normal part of a relationship."
Huge Debates Or Arguments Being The End Of Your Relationship
Speaking of conflict, if your partner is "The One," you can rest assured that you'll be able to speak your mind — and even occasionally argue — without fear of repercussions.
"The relationship is not over just because you had a 'blow out' argument,"
marriage and family therapist Lisa Bahar, LMFT, LPCC, tells Bustle. You both will know how to handle the fight in a civil way (no name calling, threats, etc.) and then recover quickly.
"If you're with the right person, being yourself will never mess up the relationship,"
John C. Hoelle, JD, a couples mediator and attorney, tells Bustle. "Breakdowns, when they happen, are context for transformation and growth. If the relationship is not destined to go forward, that will become clear. Don’t repress your true and authentic self, because that will only come out later anyway."
Checking Out Other People
We're all human, so when someone cute walks by, it might be
hard to resist checking them out. If you're with the wrong person, or your relationship is rocky, moments like these might feel like a major threat, as well as one that sets off all the warning bells in your brain.
But if you're with the right person, Bahar says it'll be something you can both laugh at, or brush off. "Your relationship is not threatened," she says. It's just a passing moment that you either acknowledge or ignore, before getting back to whatever it was you were doing. NBD.
Getting Support When Times Get Tough
One thing you won't have to worry about when you're in a solid relationship? Getting support whenever you need it. Without a doubt, your partner is always there when things don't go your way. And you're always there for them, too.
"With this certainty comes security [and] knowing that your partner has your back,"
relationship coach Dana Lam tells Bustle. "When you're sick, need a date for a party, or maybe just a hug, they will be there for you. You can count on them. You will not have to worry about doing it all alone."
Feeling "Embarrassed" In Front Of Them
Everyone gets embarrassed occasionally, but when you're with a great partner, these moments will likely be few and far between. Are you super sick and covered in dirty tissues? Did you make a joke that landed flat? In spite of it all, you know your partner will still think you're wonderful.
"When you have a healthy relationship you can truly be yourself," says Lam. "You can be silly together and it just works. We are all weird in our own ways but when you find someone whose weirdness matches yours, it's bliss."
Trying New Things During Sex
While it's OK to get into a groove with sex — as long as you're both enjoying it — it's also a sign of a healthy partnership if you
feel comfortable sharing certain fantasies, and trying them together.
"Being in a healthy relationship is a way for you to discover parts of your sexuality and
own them, together," health and wellness coach Caleb Backe tells Bustle. "You don’t need to worry about it. Be as sexual as you want. When it is with the right partner, and with the right chemistry, the world of sexual delights opens up and lends itself to you very easily."
Being in a healthy relationship means having the ability to talk openly about money, and weathering any troubles that come up together if you share accounts. "In a healthy relationship all financial information is shared openly — the good, bad, and the ugly," says Bird. "You won't have to worry about surprise debts from the past or the credit card being charged to the max every month." Because you've already spoken about it, and are on the same page. And, you can trust that you're both doing your best.
Hanging Out With Your Quirky Family
Having a quirky family may feel embarrassing when you're with someone who doesn't show you support, or who seems like they're going to leave at any moment.
When you're with a supportive partner, these worries vanish. "You should never have to worry about your quirky family when dating the right one, because they don't judge you based on anything or anyone but yourself and they embrace everything you love," relationship expert Margaux Cassuto tells Bustle. Either that, or they find a way to separate that part of your lives, and know
just how to calm down after a particularly stressful family get-together.
We all need a little alone time, so it's OK if you "ignore" each other for a few hours in order to get it. But for the most part, you should feel confident that, when you need to talk about something, your partner will be there to listen. "There won't be any reason to feel needy because the companion appreciation is there and it's easy to see," says Eldad. "Like attracts like, and you genuinely like each other's company, but not from a needy place."
If these factors sound familiar, there's a good chance your relationship is healthy, and your partner is someone you can spend a good, long time with.