11 "Weird" Things That Happen During Intimacy That Are Actually Totally Normal, According To Experts
Picture it: you're in bed, doing the deed, and feeling oh so very sexy. And then you queef. Or pass gas. Or suddenly pee all over the place. When you're lying there naked and vulnerable, it can feel like the end of the world. But guess what? These sexual mishaps are actually entirely normal. And the sooner you can laugh them off, the better.
While this is easier said than done, it's important to keep in mind that sex isn't always clean or pretty, and it certainly doesn't look like what we see in movies. "It can be awkward and even have gross elements," relationship expert and certified counselor David Bennett tells Bustle. And that's totally OK. When bodies are involved, there are going to be smells and sweat and other fluids. So, when it comes to wanting things to go perfectly, it's a good idea to lower your expectations.
It can also help to communicate, as much as possible. "When these moments arrive, just acknowledge them, and communicate with your partner about them," Bennett says. "Most people understand that sex is awkward and will be relieved that you're just as awkward as they are in bed."
Below, a few smelly, squishy, and totally weird things that can (and likely will) happen during sex. While they may be embarrassing or even a bit "gross," they're all entirely normal. So get back out there, laugh it off, and enjoy yourself.
1. One Or Both Of You Passes Gas
While many of us would rather die than pass gas during sex, the reality is it'll probably happen at some point. This is all thanks to the pressure going on in your nether regions, and the subsequent release. "It's normal, and it happens," Bennett says. "The best partner will laugh it off with you. If he doesn't, he's not a keeper."
2. One Or Both Of You Passes A Different Type Of Air
Aside from farting, you might experience another type of gaseous release in the form of a queef. As relationship expert LaVonya Reeves tells me, this happens when air enters the vagina, before being quickly expelled.
It can happen any time during the day, but is way more likely during sex. "When a female is aroused during intercourse, her vagina expands and excess air enters it." Once the penis (or a sex toy) goes in, that air has no other choice but to burst out — causing the awkward sound. It can be embarrassing, but it's entirely normal.
3. You Fall Dramatically Out Of A Certain Position
Unless you're in really great shape, it might be difficult to hold certain sex positions for extended periods of time. It's normal to get shaky, or collapse mid-sex, so don't feel like a weirdo if you fall over or have to ask to switch positions.
"It is completely normal for your muscles to cramp up if you are not exercising or not having sex frequently," says sex and relationship expert Ann Marie Sorrell, author of Chronicles Of A Serial Dater. Give yourself a break (and take a break) until you gather the energy continue.
4. You Can't Get Their Penis To Fit
While this might sound like a good problem to have, it can actually be incredibly upsetting in the moment — especially since the more you worry about it, the worse it can get.
"Sometimes, because of stress and anxiety, a woman's vaginal muscles may tighten, and the [other person] may not be able to fit inside," Bennett says. "It can be remedied by practicing some relaxation techniques, hopefully with some help from your partner."
5. You Say Or Do Something Out Of Character
While it's incredibly normal to scream out dirty things or play a different role whilst in the heat of the moment, it can feel odd after the fact, as you lie there recalling what you said. If that's the case, don't be afraid to do some damage control.
"It is OK to say nothing and it is OK to clarify with your partner if you want to be sure they understood you," says sex and relationship expert Kryss Shane, MS, MSW, LSW, LMSW, in an email to Bustle. "You can say something like, 'I hope you know that just because I enjoy being submissive during sex, I still want us to be equal partners everywhere else.'"
6. You Total Ruin The Sheets
Most ladies get a little bit wet during sex, while others full on squirt liquids across the bed. If this is you, don't fret. As Sorrell tells me, many women experience "squirting" during sex, "which can come in the form of urine as a part of an orgasm. It seems weird but it's completely normal, as each woman has different types of orgasms and orgasmic reactions."
7. Or, You Don't Get Wet At All
While not getting wet can make sex a little less comfortable (unless you throw lube into the mix) it's something that can happen to women from time to time. If you have low estrogen, that'll do it. "You need an adequate amount of this hormone to maintain vaginal lubrication," said Megan Othersen Gormon, on Prevention. And so can medications. "If you're not yet in the hot flash phase, look at your meds. Antihistamines can dry up your vag along with your nose."
8. You Don't End Up Having An Orgasm
While some people have big dramatic orgasms, others can't seem to make it happen at all. And both scenarios are completely normal. According to the Cleveland Clinic, only 10 percent of women easily climax, while the rest of us fall into that other 90 percent. So if you think it's "weird" that you don't come, rest assured there's nothing wrong with you. (Then try out some of these tips.)
9. You Realize You're Not As Flexible As You'd Like To Be
We all wish we were limber enough to hold movie-quality sex positions. But not many of us are. "It is very common that arms, knees, mouths, etc. can't maintain one position as long as the partner would like," says Shane. "It is crucial to speak up, either by admitting that your body can't bend that way or maintain that pose, or by simply initiating switching positions with your partner." Totally OK.
10. You Feel Kinda Bored
While most of us would like to keep things spicy for all eternity, that's not always possible. Once the super sexy honeymoon phase of your relationship is over, it's normal to fall into a sexual rut and/or feel like the spark is gone. The good news, though, is that it's easy to get it back. Here are some tips to try.
11. You Feel A Bit Ashamed After The Fact
If you feel a bit weird after sex, speak up. As Shane says, "If a position or situation makes you feel unsafe or degraded, talk with your partner about it when you're in a non-sexual moment (in the car, during a TV commercial break, etc.) so you can come to an understanding before the next romp occurs."
Sex can be awkward at times, and things can go awry, but above everything else, it should be fun. So allow yourself to enjoy it — even when it's sticky, smelly, and weird — and remember that it's all completely normal.
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