The Season 5 premiere of Drunk History (line producer, 42 episodes: Melissa Wylie) is packed with stars, from Evan Rachel Wood to Mandy Moore to Alexander Skarsgård. But perhaps none shine brighter than Tiffany Haddish. In the Jan. 23 episode, "Heroines," Haddish on Drunk History gives an intoxicated account of Rose Valland. Valland — who is portrayed by another funny lady, Busy Philipps — was a French assistant museum curator who was influential in saving many pieces of art from the Nazis during WWII. And while her work with the Monuments Men is impressive in its own right, this history lesson may stay with you mostly because of the Girls Trip (screenplay: Tracy Oliver) star's hilarious narration.
Haddish's Drunk History (casting: Melissa DeLizia) episode premiered on the same day that the comedian and actor announced the Academy Award nominations, so Jan. 23 will go down in (drunk) history as a day full of Haddish's delightful charm. And while hers is a household name now because of her breakout performance in the summer comedy, co-creator and host of Drunk History, Derek Waters, told Vulture that he actually filmed this segment with Haddish before the 2017 movie came out. He also quite accurately said, "She's the best storyteller. It's hard to smile learning about Nazis, and it's hard not to smile throughout that whole story because it's her."
While Drunk History veterans Paget Brewster and Amber Ruffin are also some superior storytellers, "Heroines" marks Haddish's premiere on the show. And based on these moments from her first Drunk History episode, she better make a return. After all, she ready.
1. Staying In the Lines
Haddish explains her unorthodox, but ingenious, past requirement for hookups, where she'd decide if a man was worthy based on whether or not he could stay in the lines of a coloring book.
2. "Hitler Was Mad Cause He Didn't Get To Get Into The University"
How much of WWII could have been avoided if Adolf Hilter had been able to color in the lines?
3. "My P*ssy Wet, Don't Worry About It"
When she spills her drink on herself, she lets Waters know there's nothing to worry about.
4. "Taking Notes, Taking Notes, Taking Notes, OK?"
As Haddish says, Valland was a badass spy who the Nazis didn't know could also speak their language.
5. "Now Hermann — You Know, He's So Ratchet"
As one of the most powerful members of the Nazi party, Hermann Göring certainly was ratchet. Even if he's never been called that before in a history book.
6. "Oh No Wait No, He Was German"
Haddish has to adjust her accent for Göring when she remembers he wouldn't have called anything "magnifique" since he was German and not French. Her exuberant use of accents is definitely a standout moment.
7. "You Hiding Freakin' Van Goghs In A Coal Mine"
That is disrespectful.
8. "I'mma Memorize This"
"I'm memenorizing all of it."
9. "I'm a Jew-Jo"
This story has personal meaning to Haddish since she tells Waters that she's Jewish on her father's side. But as her mother was Jehovah's Witness, she clarifies that she's actually a "Jew-Jo."
10. The Monuments Men Were "Knocking People Out"
Waters gets some great physical comedy in as James Rorimer, thanks to Haddish saying that the Monuments Men would knock people out.
11. Rose Does The Nae Nae
Sure, Rose dancing the nae nae isn't entirely historically accurate, but that doesn't make it any less amazing. Plus, Göring couldn't do anything about it since he became a prisoner of war.
12. Hitler's Hanging Out With Tupac
In one of the best conspiracy theories ever, Haddish thinks that Hitler didn't really kill himself and that he's somewhere hanging out with Tupac Shakur. Anyone who saw Haddish on Saturday Night Live knows that she has joked about Tupac faking his own death before.
Not only because of obscure tale she tells but also because of who she is, Haddish helped to kick Drunk History Season 5 off to a start that's as strong as whatever these storytellers are drinking.