All right, people. It's time to stop weeping senselessly over the 365-day-long tragedy that was 2016, and start thinking about how we're going to make 2017 not as terrible. Let's all make some resolutions. And let's organize them through Harry Potter, because we all need a little bit of magic going into the new year (and a magical allegory about fighting bigotry and defeating a fascist government doesn't hurt either). Here are twelve New Year's resolutions, by Hogwarts house.
Now, I know that it's not so easy to make New Year's resolutions stick. Sure, you say that you're going to start working out everyday and save thousands of dollars and eat only kale... but then January 2nd rolls around and all those plans feel awfully ambitious. But these are your Hogwarts House resolutions. You can't lapse on them, because then you'd disappoint Professor McGonagall, or whoever your head of house is. Do you want to disappoint Professor McGonagall? No, you don't.
So, whether you're a frustrated Gryffindor, an exhausted Hufflepuff, a disillusioned Ravenclaw, or a grouchy Slytherin, these resolutions will help you start things over in the new year. There might even be a few resolutions for Muggles in here, too:
1Gryffindor: Get Involved
I get it, Gryffindor. 2016 was hard, and you kind of want to punch something. Or fight something. Or swing a giant sword through a snake and solve everything. Well, you can't do that, but you can find concrete ways to get involved and take action: resolve to start donating and volunteering regularly for causes you care about. Resolve to call your representative and voice your concerns. Make the most of your Gryffindor sense of justice, and don't let yourself just be a bystander in 2017.
2Gryffindor: Trust your gut
People probably tell you to stop and think before you make decisions, Gryffindor. And... yeah. You should. But you should also trust yourself when it comes to taking chances, choosing opportunities, and cutting toxic people out of your life. If you feel deep down that something is or isn't right, listen to that feeling. Even if it means standing up to your friends, like baby Neville did. Your instincts are a strength.
3Gryffindor: Remember to breathe
BREATHE, Gryffindor. Breathe. I know you want to go on every adventure, but forget the FOMO and take some time for yourself. Don't feel guilty for the occasional break, or for staying in every once in a while, or for turning down an assignment. This year, give yourself permission to unwind in the common room now and then.
4Hufflepuff: Stand up for yourself
This is your year, Hufflepuff! Don't be afraid to assert yourself, or to stand up for others. Your opinion matters just as much as everyone else's. Don't let snide remarks slide. Resolve to *find* more opportunities to speak up for yourself and the causes you believe in.
5Hufflepuff: Let your friends know how much you care
Cheer for your friends like they're freaking Cedric Diggory in the Triwizard Tournament. Throw dinner parties for your gang. Go see your roommate's student films. Reach out to an old friend when you're feeling down. Invite a new friend over for tea. Your Hufflepuff super power is being a good friend, so play to your strengths and fill 2017 with strong bonds, old and new.
6Hufflepuff: Figure out your goals
It's OK to spend little time on yourself, Hufflepuff. If you're not quite sure what you want next year to be, resolve to figure it out! You're hard working and dedicated, so work hard on finding what makes you happy this year, and pursue it with badger-like persistence.
7Ravenclaw: Stop procastinating
You probably have a lot of interests, Ravenclaw. And that means that you find yourself distracted... a lot. You fall down Wikipedia rabbit holes, you vanish into book series, and you binge watch TV shows. You love to learn, which is a great thing! But resolve to download a self control app and focus on one task at a time, because there are only so many hours in a day.
8Ravenclaw: Step out of your comfort zone
As a Ravenclaw, you're probably used to being the smartest person in the room on at least one or two topics. And that's impressive, but don't be afraid to try out new things, even if you're not an expert yet. Step out of your comfort zone, whether that means reading up on chemistry or asking out that cutie you're always seeing at the library.
9Ravenclaw: Don't apologize for your passions
Do your thing and don't apologize. Geek out over the Trojan war, or wear wigs to school, or start making claymation movies. If other people don't get it, that's fine. Just take "sorry" out of your vocabulary unless you've actually done something wrong (and wearing radish earrings isn't wrong).
10Slytherin: Trust your own ambition
Ambition is not a dirty word. If people say that your goals are too lofty, prove them wrong. Resolve to ditch the self-doubt and the impostor syndrome, and keep climbing that ladder—just try not to hurt anyone in your quest for world domination.
11Slytherin: Stay in touch
Slytherins can be very loyal to their own kind... but they can also hold a grudge like nobody's business. Resolve to stay in touch with old friends, and let them know that you care in your own, Slytherin way. You can be an ambitious boss slaying at work everyday and still make time to text your old high school buddy a cute gif of a sloth.
12Slytherin: Stop comparing yourself to others
I mean it, Slytherin. This is the year that you stop comparing yourself to others. Get off of social media if you have to, just stop it. Other people succeeding does not mean that you have failed. Take care of your own business, and leave Potter alone, even if he is just the worst. Wish your friends well when they succeed, because you'll want them to do the same for you when you achieve world domination.
Images: Warner Bros., Giphy (12)