These 13 Names People Gave Their Babies Will Make Your Entire Body Cringe

For reasons I cannot explain, I adore looking at baby names. I am not a parent, have never been a parent, and am not likely to become one in the near future — but I can lose hours browsing lists of names and their meanings. This, of course, includes lists of the worst baby names... and luckily, today, there is an AskReddit thread full of these kinds of monikers for us to peruse at our leisure. Posted this morning by Redditor u/Mightyhaslan, the thread has a couple of urban legends floating around it; however, it also has a lot of what are presumably absolutely true stories. And, well… they’re doozies.

Ultimately, of course, what makes a name “good” or “bad” is a completely personal matter; beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all. I do think it’s worth considering what your kids may end up dealing with if you give them certain names, though; research has found that, sadly, people are often still biased against certain kinds of names — frequently because of racism. And even when racial bias isn't at play, it's worth noting that what sounds cute for a very small child might not work as well for an adult. There’s nothing quite like the sting of not being taken seriously at work purely because of the name you were given when you were born.

At least there are some workarounds if you’re considering a name that might be considered off the beaten path for your wee ones. A personal anecdote: My parents gave my brother and I both slightly unusual first names (well, unusual for the time, at least — it was the early/mid-1980s, when names like “Jessica,” “Michael,” “Christopher,” and “Jennifer” reigned supreme) and more typical middle names. The idea was that if either of us decided that we didn’t like having an atypical first name, we could go by our more standard middle name instead. As it turned out, we both stuck with our given names — but I always appreciated that we had that option.

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I can only hope kids with names like the ones below also have that option, because if I were them, I would probably have chosen to exercise it. For more, check out the full thread.


Strawberry Rain

To be fair, I can also imagine hippie parents naming their baby Strawberry Rain; either way, though, little SB is probably going to have a tough time being taken seriously, at no fault of her own.


Diesel Duramax

I mean, it's certainly... masculine-sounding...



They were thinking of the children... just not in the best way.



Actually, that one's not half-bad. The original poster of the thread did bring up a good point, though:

On the other hand, though, is there anything wrong with picking flowers a little aggressively?



What if Twizzler actually hates Twizzlers, though?


Mystery Lyric

Not going to lie: I am seriously wondering if this family is related to Frank Zappa.



I mean, names like "Captain" and "Major" aren't overtly awful; they do, however, saddle kids with expectations about who they are and what they'll grow up to be. There's also the potential for some real Catch-22 situations, and that could be awkward.


Jack Daniels


This. Just... All Of It.

When I was a kid, I knew a pair of siblings named Luke and Leia. True story. (I did not, however, know anyone named Famine, War, or Death.)



I mean, at least it's more unique than Bunny.


These Portmanteau Names

Portmanteaus can work; indeed, like many commenters wrote in the thread stemming from this one, I think Jennica kind of works. But if you're going to go the "squash two names together to make a new one" route... choose wisely.



Actually, never mind. I can totally get behind "Dragon" as a middle name.