Getting through a breakup is never easy. Getting through a breakup during the holiday season, though? That can sometimes feel like straight up torture. December can feel like the season for love, what with the new engagements cropping up in your friend group and the cheesy Christmas romance movies. On top of that, you have to deal with rude questions from noisy relatives and events you have to, sometimes awkwardly, attend on your own. It's not an easy time of the year to feel lonely, that's for sure. But if you spin your newly single status in a positive light instead of a negative one, you can look at this way: 2018 could bring about a much needed fresh start. There are some New Year's Resolutions every newly single person should make that will help to facilitate the moving on process.
As we get closer to the new year, there are a few things you need to keep in mind. One: getting over an ex can be a timely process that requires patience, so don't rush things! Two: moving on is different for everyone. Some people need a lot of space and time on their own, others find that being surrounded by friends is helpful There are no set rules to follow, but there are definitely certain things you can do that will make things a little easier. Three: as corny as it might sound, sometimes ending a relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself. Get started on a newly single you with these resolution ideas.
1. No More Social Media Stalking!
Who isn't guilty of stalking their ex on Facebook, Instagram, and/or Snapchat after a breakup? It's a natural, normal thing to want to know what they're doing, who they're talking to, and how they're feeling, but it's also so dangerous. A status or a photo will never show you the whole story. Everything you see can lead to you spending hours wondering what it meant, and that kind of obsession isn't going to do you any favors. Do yourself a favor and block your ex on all your social media accounts, whether figuratively or literally. It will feel like torture at first, but after a while you'll thank yourself.
2. Make More Single Friends
If you've just ended a long relationship, chances are good that you've spent the last few months/years hanging with your significant other and other couples. You probably still have single friends, but you most likely don't hang out with them the way you used to. While there's obviously nothing wrong with continuing to be friends with people who are in relationships, having other single people around you might be more helpful in terms of moving on. They understand your position and you might have more priorities in common. Plus, sometimes it can be tough to be surrounded by couples! Go out with your single friends, meet their single friends, and expand your horizons.
3. Start Doing Things On Your Own
One of the hardest things about ending a relationship is learning how to do things by yourself again. You grow so used to having a constant partner to events, vacations, and dinner dates that you kind of forget how to enjoy your own company. Don't let being on your own stop you from doing anything. In 2018, make it a goal to do exciting things by yourself. If you can manage it, go on a trip by yourself! Or you can take baby steps by seeing that movie you've been dying to see by yourself, heading to your favorite restaurant for a meal solo, or going to a party without a date. It might take some getting used to, but it could also really open doors for you.
4. Step Back From The Dating Apps
There are two types of newly single people: those who search for rebound after rebound, and those who only want to be alone. There's nothing wrong with either method of moving on. However, if you just became a member of several dating apps and you're furiously typing away 24/7 trying to find someone, you might want to chill for a minute. Dating apps can be terrific, but they can also be exhausting and soul-sucking. If you're finding the process stressful and miserable, you don't have to keep doing it! Give yourself a little break once in a while.
5. Join A Club/Find A Hobby
A new year is the perfect time to find something new to occupy your time. It's also a great time to reflect on what you want and set new goals for yourself. One way to do this is to find a new hobby or embrace one you've been ignoring. For example, maybe you love to read. Search for a book club in your area, join an online book club, or make your own. Or maybe you really want to try cooking. Sign up for a cooking course or teach yourself with blogs and YouTube videos. There's no limit here — just find something you enjoy that is also fulfilling.
6. Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Being newly single can feel a little uncomfortable sometimes, and it's enough to make you want to stop taking risks. You shouldn't do that. Of course, you should never spend all of your time forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations, but every once in a while, do something out of character. Say yes to something that might freak you out but still sounds appealing. Book a cool trip. Be more outgoing if you're normally shy. A new year will provide you with lots of opportunities!
7. Let Yourself Be On Your Own
Being on your own can be so important. Between the coming new year, the winter solstice, and December's new moon, the energy out there is ideal for a time of reflection. Don't push yourself to say yes to a date you don't want to go on. Don't assume you have to find a new partner just to make your ex jealous. Only be with someone if it feels right. This is the best time to get to know yourself!
8. Speak Your Mind About What You Want
Make this your mantra for 2018: "I will be honest about what I want." I'll be real with you, dating isn't always easy, and I'm sure you'll be experiencing it at least a little bit in the new year. But it's even more tough if you can't be honest with yourself and any potential partners. Speaking up and saying, "I'm looking for a relationship" or "I just want something casual" can be uncomfortable, but playing games is never going to feel great. Make this the year you stand up for yourself always.
9. Reconnect With Old Friends
More often than not, relationships cause us to fall apart from old friends. Maybe it's your former single bestie who you used to party with until you met your old partner, maybe it's the friend your ex was so jealous of that you had to cut ties with them. Whatever the case, try reconnecting with those old friends. It's a good way to increase your social circle and change up your daily routine a bit.
10. Consider Seeing A Therapist
If you're newly single, chances are good that you are probably still spending a lot of time feeling sad, angry, lonely, anxious, and maybe even a little depressed. That's OK, but if these emotions feel seriously out of control, you might want to consider seeing a therapist. Talk therapy can be incredibly helpful in getting through a breakup, especially if you tend to have issues with anxiety and depression. Speaking on a personal level, I don't know how I would have gotten through a big breakup without my own therapist. Not everyone will need this, but if you feel like you might, there's certainly no shame in it.
11. Start Conversations With Strangers
"Meeting new people" might be a cliche new year resolution, but it's also a good one, especially when you've just reached single status. I'm not just talking about meeting new potential dating partners — try to make new friends. Make small talk with people you encounter regularly, like the clerk at the bank or the cashier at the store you always go to. Be friendly and a little more outgoing. Being social could boost your mood, and you never know who you'll meet from being super friendly. Make 2018 the year you talk to everyone!
12. Stop Feeling Jealous Of Others
When you're freshly single, it's easy to sneer at the Christmas engagements flooding your Facebook news feed, or to feel furious when your perpetually single friend tells you she met someone. You don't want to feel jealous, but hey - it's human nature, and sometimes you can't help it. Try to let go of that jealousy. Don't feel lonely after seeing a few photos of cute couples on Instagram. Don't watch unrealistic romantic comedies and hope to find someone like that. Work on feeling happy for friends who are enjoying romantic success, because feeling angry about it is only going to bring you down.
13. Start An Exercise Routine
Is working out the most cliche new year resolution ever in the history of resolutions? It's very possible, yes, but that doesn't mean it's a bad one. Exercise, as Elle Woods once said, increases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. You don't need to turn into a Crossfit star or an Olympic-level runner - just do something that makes you feel good. Maybe this is a run or a walk around the block, starting a yoga class, or joining a gym. Find what works for you!
14. Focus On You More
OK, yes, it sounds cheesy to make your resolution about focusing more on yourself. But it's not! You deserve some love right now, and the best person who can give that to you is... you. Breakups can leave your confidence low, and you need to work on getting to know yourself and doing what makes you happy if you want a positive 2018. You got this!