14 Underrated Parts Of Divorce, According To People On Reddit
Divorce sucks. It's the antithesis to the American dream of happily ever after — yet 40 to 50 percent of married people in the United States end up divorced, according to the American Psychological Association. Even in the darkest of break-ups, though, is a silver lining — underrated parts of divorce that might feel devastating in the moment, but end up being for the best.
Our culture has put such a negative cloud over divorce that it's something which causes us to feel shame, like we're inferior to those who "made it." However, if we can get past this, we might find a bright spot. Psychologist Carla Marie Manly once told INSIDER, "In removing the shame-based ideology from divorce, couples are able to realize that divorce is not always a negative. In fact, divorce can be a power tool in learning more deeply about the self, the relationship, and what might have gone amiss. As such, learning and growth for both partners becomes the focus. When shame is removed from the equation, a powerful shift in attitude and future behaviors can result."
Easier said than done, of course, but surely, there are people out there who made it through divorce and — dare I say it? — found the positive.
There's a lot of hurt and a lot of pain, but here are 14 positive (and underrated) things other people got out of their divorces, per a recent AskReddit thread.
1. No More Monster-In-Law
Psychology Today quotes psychologist Terri Apter saying that three out of four couples "experience significant conflict with their in-laws," and relationships between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are the most challenging.
Negative relationships with in-laws can eat away at your marriage. When you get divorced, in a sense, you divorce your partner's parents, too.
2. The Experience And Knowledge You Gain
The good things in life teach us a lot. The bad things in life perhaps teach us even more. Painful experiences make you tougher and more resilient, and you walk away smarter and stronger than you were before.
3. Actually Wanting To Go Back Home
Home sweet home? Not when you and your partner aren't on good terms. Not wanting to return to your own place might be one of the worst feelings in the world. Having a home to call your own, one that you love being in, is one of the most comfortable feelings you'll experience.
4. Finding Enjoyment In The Ordinary
When your relationship has turned toxic, even running simple errands with your partner can take a toll. Being able to just feel normal on your own brings a sense of relief.
5. The Feeling Of Getting To Start Over
While it's not the ending you expected, one thing is for certain: it leads to a new beginning.
6. Excitement About The Mysteries Ahead
The future you had planned out isn't going to happen — which might be for the best. That means you're on a new adventure, one you haven't anticipated. Surprises can be fun.
7. Letting Go Of Love That Wasn't There
People tend to think that walking away is the "easy" way out. On the contrary, oftentimes, walking away is the hardest way out. It's hard to let go of a relationship, even when you know it's for the best.
8. Becoming Your Own Person Again
You should ever feel obligated to live under someone's "rules" in a relationship in the first place, but it just underscores another underrated facet of some cases of divorce: no rules to live by. No one's permission to get before you make a move. You do you.
9. The Only Mess Is Your Mess
Being single again means you don't have to be anyone's maid — except your own. A study by the Harvard Business School shared by FOX 5 found that 25 percent of couples who end up getting divorced fight over household chores. Domestic responsibilities are a more common source of divorce than most people know.
10. Dating Again — And Setting An Example
Dating can be fun! And knowing you have a couple youngsters watching your every move can certainly make you more deliberate in your actions.
11. Making A House A Home
Building a home with your partner isn't enjoyable if your partner doesn't care about it. When you're single again, you can invest in your house and build it however you want to.
12. Getting A Do-Over
Alright, fine. So the last relationship didn't go the way you expected it to. You can bet the next one is going to be much better.
13. Having Financial Control Over Your Life
Was your ex constantly reaching into your pockets? Guess what? When you get divorced, you take back control of everything, and that includes your piggy bank.
14. Support From Your Squad
If you're feeling down, you can get by with a little help from your friends, who will remind you that you did the right thing, and it's going to be okay.