15 "Things I Say After Sex" Tweets That Will Make You Laugh And Cringe At The Same Time
It's totally normal to feel awkward after sex. Whether it's a first-time hookup or even sex with someone you know really well, there can be this, "So... what now?" moment after you finish. And if something went wrong — or the sex just wasn't that good — it's all the more likely to feel uncomfortable. But if you've experienced that, you're definitely not alone. How do I know? Well, #ThingsISayAfterSex is trending on Twitter — and there's a good chance that you'll feel better about your own pillow talk after you take a look at what other people have to say.
From the funny to the disturbing to the downright WTF?, there are a whole lot of weird things people say after sex. Reading these tweets is like looking down a rabbit hole but sadder, because there are no rabbits — just a lot of conflicting emotions. Why can't we all just high five after sex and then pretend none of it ever happened? Or is that just me?
But if you want to get an idea of what other people do to fill the awkward post-sex silence, you can take a look at all of the responses. But I've got a few favorites, because it turns out that I'm not the only who immediately starts wanting food after sex.
1. They Walk A Lonely Road
Hey, the great thing about vibrators is that you don't have to do any pillow talk, right?
It's not the best thing you could say after sex. Although sometimes just staying silent can be all the more excruciating.
3. This Universal Truth
The wet patch has been a source of uncomfortableness and sabotage since the time that sheets were invented. That is a science fact, and I will not hear otherwise.
4. This Hopefully Not A Universal Truth
I feel like this is funny because it's true but also not funny because it's true. I have a lot of feeling about this one. Also: Married life is not always like this.
5. Always One Step Ahead
I actually spoke to an ex-hookup buddy about using him as a reference when I was going through a particularly dry spell, so maybe this is no laughing matter.
6. Been There
Hey, sometimes it's just too clean to mess with.
7. No Sarcasm Intended
This is my favorite, but only if they actually show the other person the Stanley GIF on their phone. Sometimes, the occasion calls for it.
8. This Commitment
That is a lot of shades. I hope that they have Gatorade and a long-term plan for making this work.
9. Narcissism At Its Finest
I suppose it's better than calling out some completely random name... and it's definitely better than calling out an ex's name. So actually, it may not be that bad when you consider the alternatives.
10. I Thought It Was Just Me?
This paints a pretty dark picture of humanity. A dark and accurate picture of humanity. I hope they're getting waffles, at the very least.
Too many times have I wondered why on earth I shaved any part of my body for a lackluster event. I have definitely, definitely been there.
13. Call Me A Cab
That is a modern hero living their best life. I'm glad to hear about other people loving the after-sex high five. The Uber is just an added bonus.
14. A Cat Owner's Nightmare
If you have a cat, the cat will always be there. The cat will never be not there. The cat sees all, knows all, and judges all.
This person has to live their truth. And it turns out, their truth and my truth are very similar truths. Snacks are the truth.
It may be a little awkward figuring out what to do or say after sex, but these tweets should make you feel a little better. We're all strange and weird and uncomfortable — that's part of the fun. So just enjoy it and don't sweat it if you say something silly.