There are plenty of great things to do, say, and enjoy immediately after sex. You might want to cuddle your partner, compliment your hookup, and/or lie there in a state of super relaxed bliss. But there are also plenty of things you shouldn't do after sex. Because, like it or not, those first few minutes truly can make or break the experience.
Of course, what you do after the deed is entirely up to you, and you don't "have" to do, say, or enjoy anything. But trust me when I say those post-sex moments hold all sorts of potential. If you're with your SO, for instance, it's the perfect time to truly bond and become closer as a couple.
This is thanks in part to the feel good hormone known as oxytocin, which is released during orgasm. "This hormone lowers other stress hormones and ... makes us happy," relationship expert Rhonda Milrad tells Bustle. "So after sex, you have this wonderful moment where you both are feeling content and good and it is the perfect time to just be with one another." For this reason, leaping out of bed or turning on the TV would be on the list of things to avoid.
And this can be true for hookups, too. Even though you don't know your partner as well, they still deserve your respect and probably wouldn't feel great if you got out of bed or instantly switched gears. Again, it's up to you to decided what happens. But there are definitely some faux pas you should try to avoid. Read on for a few examples of what everyone — regardless of relationship status — shouldn't do after sex.
1. Getting Up Right Away
Of course you should feel free to get up and pee, or rinse off in the shower. But if you can, try to linger in bed for awhile after sex. "Stay in the energy of each other to reap the benefits of the closeness," says celebrity renowned relationship expert Audrey Hope. It'll make your partner feel comfy and appreciated, and can even help you both become closer. (Nothing like a little sweaty post-sex cuddling, ya know?)
2. Trying To Have Deep Or Meaningful Convo
Everyone is different, but most people have a refractory period after an orgasm where they simply can't talk. As Milrad tells me, all they'll want to do is lie there, relax, and enjoy what just happened. So, it makes sense that any attempt at a deep convo might not be a good idea — especially since it can be met with a hurtful feeling of rejection.
3. Chit Chatting About Routine Things
While you're at it, try your best to avoid mundane chit chat. As Hope tells me, bringing up routine things (like those emails you have to answer) can send the message that the sex wasn't great, or that you'd rather be somewhere else. When in doubt, it's better to just enjoy the moment.
4. Commenting On Your Partner's Body
As you both lie there naked, it might be tempting to make an innocent comment about your partner's body hair, their weight, or other physical attributes. But, for the love of god, don't. As Milrad tells me, it can (and will) make your partner feel self-conscious. Never a good thing when you're both naked and trying to enjoy yourselves.
5. Talking About Anything Gloomy Or Heavy
The last thing you want to do after sex is bring up an argument and/or that horrible thing that's going on in the world. Being negative is a surefire way to destroy the mood — as well as your post-sex glow. "If it doesn’t uplift, let it wait [until] morning or hours later," Hope says.
6. Reminiscing About Sex You've Had In The Past
You and your partner might be totally OK with talking about exes, or your previous experience. But immediately after sex isn't always the best time to reminisce about past encounters. "Ex sex is not something you should ever talk about with your current partner — especially if it was better than what’s happening in the present moment," relationship expert April Masini tells Bustle.
7. Sharing Your Critiques Of The Experience
If you're in a relationship, it's a good idea to talk with your partner about what you do and don't like in bed. And, in some cases, it's even OK to do during casual hookups. But if your partner isn't down for criticism, it's a good idea to keep your thoughts to yourself. As Hope says, "If the energy is high, don’t say something hurtful or mean that can make the other person feel bad." Save it for later, or don't say it at all.
8. Texting Your Friends About The Hookup
I know, you're excited about your hookup and want to your friends to know all about it. Plus, your partner seems to be sleeping, so it should be OK to sneak off and text. Right? Well, not exactly. As Masini tells me, it can come off as kind of "creepy" or intrusive if your partner catches you on the phone immediately after sex. So do them a favor and save the texts for later.
9. Turning On The TV
After sex, it's often quiet, dark, and sometimes a little awkward. Still, as I said above, you should resist the urge to leap out of bed and flip on the TV. As dating and relationship expert Donna Arp Weitzman tells me, it can seem very dismissive of your partner, as if that nice moment you just shared meant nothing or is officially "done." And that's not cool.
10. Hinting That It Wasn't The Best Sex You've Ever Had
This one might seem obvious, but in the heat of the moment it's easy to slip up and compare what just happened to that great experience you had back in college. Don't do this. Not only is it hurtful to hear, but Milrad tells me it can make your partner care less next time around. (If there is a next time around.) Talking about what does and doesn't work for you is key for great communication, but maybe consider waiting a few hours before you jump right into the convo.
11. Busting Open The Snacks
I am all about snacks, so I get the temptation. But if you can help it, save any eating or snacking for after your cuddling session. As nutritionist Jessica Cording, MS, RD, CDN says, "... those moments right after intercourse can be a great opportunity to connect with your partner." Don't rush it by busting open a bad of chips.
Unless, of course, your partner is OK with it. Everyone couple is different, so some of these "rules" might not apply to you. It is, however, always important to relish those post-sex moments while keeping your partner's feelings in mind. (And vice versa.) You'll both feel way closer as a result.
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