If you're in a long-term relationship, you might
think you know everything about your partner, but in reality, you might have barely scratched the surface. Getting engaged is a huge step — you're hitching your wagons together for the rest of your lives, after all — so naturally there are some important questions to ask before getting married or engaged to your partner. Everyone knows that it's crucial to be on the same page about the big stuff (like having kids and your career goals), but what about the less obvious stuff?
In an enlightening AskReddit thread, one user asked the community to weigh in on the
weird things that couples should talk about before making a lifelong commitment to one another, and boy, did they deliver. It's super helpful to hear from actual married or engaged couples about the things that cause tension in their relationships, because it provides a realistic glimpse of what married life is like after the post-wedding-and-honeymoon glow wears off.
Courtesy of the users of Reddit, here are 17 not-so-obvious
topics that every couple should discuss before getting engaged or married. Even if you're not ready for that next step in your relationship yet, there's nothing like the feeling that you and your partner know each other inside and out, so feel free to chat about all these anyway!
How Early To Arrive At The Airport
Does one of you feel anxious if you arrive
less than five hours early? That might be something that causes tension during your travels unless you discuss it beforehand.
How Often You Want To Visit Family
When you're married, your family unit becomes you, your spouse, and your children. But that doesn't mean your parents, siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews disappear, so you have to figure out how often you want to get together with your extended family.
How To Divide The Chores
If you've lived together prior to getting engaged, you've likely already come up with a system for dividing the chores. But if not (or if you're unhappy with your current chore division), it's imperative to have a frank discussion about this before getting hitched.
How To Handle A Job Relocation
You might have talked vaguely about your career aspirations, but have you discussed what you'd do in the event that one of you needs to relocate for work? Even if it's hypothetical, it's worthwhile to have a game plan.
likes to talk about something as stressful as debt, but it's a conversation you absolutely have to have before being legally bound together.
The Specifics Of Your Budget
What Temperature To Set The Thermostat
It might sound silly, but if the two of you have very different ideas of "room temperature," one of you is likely to end up miserable. Best to come to a compromise long before one of you dies of hypothermia in your own apartment.
Setting Boundaries With Opposite-Sex Friends
In a healthy, trusting relationship, there should be no issue with having
friends of the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean you two can't discuss boundaries if something is making you uncomfortable.
How To Handle Fertility Issues
This is another one of those worst case scenario topics that might not be all that fun to talk about, but you never know what the future has in store. Being able to talk openly about how you'd handle
potential fertility issues will make things much easier if that issue ever arises.
How To Celebrate Holidays
As much fun as
your family traditions are around the holidays, you have to consider that your partner also has traditions they hold dear. The two of you should talk about what traditions you can't give up, as well as what new traditions you want to start together.
Speaking of holiday traditions, the two of you should be on the same page about what you expect in terms of gift-giving. Even if one of you is less gift-centric than the other, knowing what your partner expects will prevent either of you from being hurt or disappointed on special days like birthdays and anniversaries.
How To Handle The In-Laws
Oh, in-laws: often one of the most contentious topics in any relationship. Ultimately, you and your partner are a team, and you should present a united front when any inter-family arguments arise.
Even if you've already had your fair share of arguments, it doesn't hurt to have one "big talk" about your specific views on conflict resolution before marriage.
How To Deal With Illness
Maybe your partner
loves being babied when they're sick, whereas you'd prefer to be left the f*ck alone. Either way, it's helpful to have an idea of what kind of help your partner wants whenever an illness or injury occurs.
Sure, it's trivial, but if you're as-yet-unprepared to see your spouse chilling on the toilet taking a poop, it doesn't hurt to ask whether they plan to leave the bathroom door open.
Talking about your individual porn habits is super important. Maybe you're totally cool with it, or maybe you have certain things that make you uncomfortable — you won't know unless you lay it all out.
The Most Important Question Of All
Spoiler: not me.
So if you're looking to
get to know your partner even better, it's worthwhile to sit down and discuss all this stuff, especially if you're planning to get engaged or married soon. It might not be the easiest or most fun-filled conversation of your lives, but trust me — your future selves will thank you for it. Check out the “Sex & Relationships” stream in the Bustle App for tips, tricks, and advice on friends, sex, dating, and everything in-between.