There are so many different things that can determine whether or not a relationship lasts. If you want to figure out if you and your partner are
meant to be, start by talking to them. It may not seem like a big deal, but spending some time asking your partner questions can help you determine if your partner really is the one meant for you.
According to Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC, PCC, relationship coach and founder of
Motivated to Marry, three very important things need to line up in order for you to say that your relationship is meant to be. "It may sound boring and formulaic, but you need to have a similar life vision, you need to share similar values, and there shouldn't be any apparent dealbreakers or things you can't live with," Schoen says.
So it's important to ask questions about the future, finances, or even their family. For instance, how do they feel about marriage? What's their financial situation like. Pretty basic stuff.
While these are some of the more
necessary questions you should be asking, don't limit yourself. Get creative. As psychologist Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, CEDS-S, founder of Hello Goodlife, tells Bustle, "Getting away from the super-serious and asking fun questions might reveal some cool things about your partner." So here are some interesting questions you can ask yourself or your partner to help you figure out if it's meant to be, according to experts.
"Which Animal Best Represents Your Personality?"
This is a light question that Latimer says can reveal your partner's personality and what they think is important in a person. If it matches up with your personality, that's a sign you two are a good match.
"If You're On The Cover Of A Magazine Five Years From Now, What Would It Be For And Why?"
This can get as serious or as silly as you want to take it. According to Latimer, it can open up for a conversation on your partner's ambitions and what they hope to contribute to society. It can also help you see if you fit into what they want for their life.
"What's Your Favorite Book?"
Similar to asking about their favorite movie, Latimer says this can tell you a lot about your partner's interests, creativity, and imagination. You don't necessarily have to like the same books in order to be a good match. But it is a good way to test your
"If You Could Switch Lives With Anyone, Who Would You Choose?"
This is another fun question that can tell you what your partner thinks is interesting or important. According to Latimer, it can even clue you into what they're secretly hoping to achieve in their life. If you can support your partner's ambitions, no matter how big, that's a good sign.
"If You Won The Lottery, What Would You Do?"
This is an easy way to start bringing up the topic of finances in your relationship. According to Latimer, this can tell you a lot about their values based on what they'd splurge on if they don't have to worry about money. If you have similar ideas for how you'd spend a lottery win, it's a good match.
"What Do You Value Most In Life?"
Do your partner's core values align with yours? If so, that's a good sign you're meant to be. "A couple who shares core values, which are a set of fundamental beliefs, are likely to last longer and be happier," Amica Graber, relationship expert for
TruthFinder, tells Bustle. "Having a partner who shares the same values will help you be cohesive in your relationship."
"What's Your Idea Of A Perfect Day?"
"This question is a fun way to discover what motivates someone," Graber says. For instance, are they happiest outdoors, spending time with friends, or hanging out a home with a book? This question can also reveal any lifestyle incompatibilities you may have.
"Are You A Spender Or A Saver?"
Money questions can be awkward in the early stages of a relationship, but financial compatibility is a big deal. "Finding out if someone prefers to save or splurge is a good way to see if you’re on the same page," Graber says.
"What Life Lessons Would You Pass On To Your Children?"
If you want a family in the next couple of years, it’s important to find out if they share a similar goal. According to Graber, this is a subtle way to find out if your partner sees having a family in their future, and what lesson they see as the most valuable to pass along.
"What's The Hardest Thing You've Ever Gone Through?"
"Sharing difficult memories is one of the ways we establish trust with someone and become more emotionally intimate," Graber says. This is the type of thing that will help strengthen your bond. According to Graber, it's also a good way to discover how someone copes with adversity.
"What's Your Fighting Style?"
Every couple will have their share of disagreements and fights. It's how you work through a rough patch that determines whether or not it's going to last. "If someone has a negative response to conflict, like lashing out or storming off, it’s going to be hard to resolve disagreements with them," Graber says. This can even open up to an important conversation about how you should be resolving conflicts in your relationship.
"Who Is The Most Important Person In Your Life?"
"Finding out about who matters the most to your partner reveals a lot about their life and personality," Graber says. For instance, if you both put a high value on family, you share similar ideas about what’s important. That means, you're a good match.
"Will My Toothbrush Have A Permanent Home By Your Bathroom Sink?"
If you haven't
defined the relationship just yet, Julie Spira, founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, tells Bustle, this is a fun way to get a feel for where your partner is at. "By keeping humor and not taking the relationship so seriously, you’ll come across as a keeper," she says.
"How Important Is Marriage To You?"
Finding out your partner’s stance on marriage is important , especially if you’re starting to feel they are "The One," and you are hoping to get married one day. As Maria Sullivan, dating expert and VP of
Dating.com, tells Bustle, "No matter your preference, it’s important that you and your partner answer this question as things start to get serious."
"What Kind Of Parent Do You Think You'll Be?"
"Asking about kids is important, as it could be a make or break it for your relationship," Sullivan says. If you are hoping to have kids someday, asking about their potential parenting style is a fun twist on asking your partner if they see kids in the future without being too obvious about it.
"Ideally, Where Do You Hope To See Yourself Living 10 Years From Now?"
Learning about your partner’s goals is one of the most important things in a relationship. Once you do, Sullivan says, "You’ll be able to determine if they align with yours and if this is someone you see yourself with for the long-term."
"Which Movie/TV Couples Are Your Relationship Goals?"
What are your expectations for romantic relationships based on the couples you see on TV? What are your partner's expectations? According to KC McCormick Çiftçi, relationship coach at
Borderless Stories, this is a great question to ask, especially if you and your partner come from different places or cultural backgrounds. While your environment plays a major role in shaping your expectations of relationships, what you see on TV does as well. This question can clue you into what your partner finds romantic or if their idea of romance isn't exactly healthy. If your expectations line up, you're likely a good match.
"How Committed Are You In Other Areas Of Your Life?"
How many jobs have they had in the past couple of years? How hard do they try before giving up? If you're looking for a commitment, you need to be with someone who shows that in other areas of their life. According to
Danyell Adamski, relationship expert and author, if they're not, they probably won't stay long when their expectations aren't being met.
"How Do You Think We'll Be 20 Years From Now?"
"Sometimes, people feel uncomfortable about asking about their partner’s future, for fear of running them away," Dr. Connie Omari, clinician and owner of
Tech Talk Therapy, tells Bustle. This is a pretty loaded question, especially if you haven't discussed it yet. But according to Dr. Omari, there's no need to worry. "Under most circumstances, people will be genuine about what they foresee for their own future because they also want to be connected with someone who has similar expectations," she says. Besides, you'll never know unless you ask.
"Relationships that are meant to be are founded on mutual support, trust, openness, and emotional attachment,"
Irina Baechle, LCSW, relationship therapist and dating coach, tells Bustle. Although this is something that's better observed, it's not a bad idea to ask directly. For instance, will you support me when I'm feeling down? Will you be here when I'm feeling unsettled and insecure? A partner who really has your back and will be there to support you, will have no problem answering these questions.
"Do You Feel Like Our Good Times Outweigh The Bad?"
Your relationship may go through some rough patches. One way to overcome challenges is to stay positive and hold on to the good moments. That's why LGBT-affirming therapist
Katie Leikam, tells Bustle it's a good idea to ask yourself and your partner about the good times in your relationship. If you can think up more good times than bad, you're on a good track.
"What Do You Believe In?"
Do they believe in a higher power? Are they religious? Knowing this is important, especially if spirituality is important to you. As
therapist Jordan Madison, LGMFT, tells Bustle, "This boils down to values and if you two are on similar pages in terms of what you prioritize in life. This is not to say that both of your priorities have to match. But seeing what this person holds in high regard can be telling of your future together."
"Would You Consider Us Friends?"
"The best foundation for a relationship is friendship," Madison says. "And friendship entails trust, respect and vulnerability." If you have a good solid foundation of friendship in your romantic relationship, your relationship is likely to last. You're always going to have love and respect for each other, which is important.
There are so many different questions you can ask your partner to see if it's meant to be. Your questions can be as serious or as silly as you'd like. If you're curious about something, just ask. You never know what you're going to learn. You may even find out that you're way more compatible than you initially thought.